Thoughts of a 'Man'

A drowned lemming on a stone in a Norwegian river---->

While many people believe that lemmings commit mass suicide when they migrate, this is not the case. Driven by strong biological urges, they will migrate in large groups when population density becomes too great. Lemmings can and do swim and may choose to cross a body of water in search of a new habitat[5]. On occasion, and particularly in the case of the Norway lemmings in Scandinavia, large migrating groups will reach a cliff overlooking the ocean. They will stop until the urge to press on causes them to jump off the cliff and start swimming, sometimes to exhaustion and death. Lemmings are also often pushed into the sea as more and more lemmings arrive at the shore. [6]

The myth of lemming mass suicide is long-standing and has been popularized by a number of factors. In 1955, Carl Barks drew an Uncle Scrooge adventure comic with the title "The Lemming with the Locket". This comic, which was inspired by a 1954 National Geographic article, showed massive numbers of lemmings jumping over Norwegian cliffs.[7] Even more influential was the 1958 Disney film White Wilderness in which footage was shown that seems to show the mass suicide of lemmings. The film won an Academy Award for Documentary Feature.[8]

Due to their association with this odd behaviour, lemming suicide is a frequently-used metaphor in reference to people who go along unquestioningly with popular opinion, with potentially dangerous or fatal consequences. This is the theme of the video game Lemmings, where the player attempts to save the mindlessly marching rodents from walking to their deaths."




Just take a moment to ponder, like dogs, cats, chimpanzees, penguins, tigers, lion, elephants....humans have such similar behaviors...driven by "biological urges" in everything that we do....

To say that humanity has emotions, imagination, logic....is a cliche......these amount to nothing as they are probably part of the "biological urges" or the result of it...........

biological machines of a age-old programming so similar to artificial intelligence....i guess besides the people who play a lot of computer games, you probably don't have a familiar concept of artificial intelligence besides what you've been reading in articles...........

i say this, because in order to understand AI beyond the literal, its about experiencing it, sort of having a "conversation" with the computer....you do it by playing a computer game...whether the AI is a simple or complicated one, its the same.............all your actions will indefinitely result in reactions....depending on your input, simplified by binary codes, its a either a 0 or 1, off or on...if you spend time playing a game, strategy perhaps, long enough...you end up knowing all the moves that the computer will make

the computer, a mechanised organised system of programming, is purely a replication of the human brain and central nervous system....if you type on the keyboard...your actions are read by the CPU...the CPU communicates to its organs such as the monitor some digital gibberish, before displaying what you want for it to display....by typing "Asshole", you elicit a response from the computer, which is to display the word "Asshole"(once again demonstrated here... xD)

basic human programming, if you tickle your friend, she'll giggle.....if you pinch him, he'll cringe.........emotions that you cannot avoid.........especially if you are being caught off guard....if someone burns your ass from behind, you still scream in pain and run, totally instinctively, a reflex that does not require conscious registration of it...

i'll catch up to speed here.............humans can have a range of emotions over the same action that is communicated by someone else rite? these range of emotions(reaction) are probably communicated by a set external factors(to actions).....

i've cut off all these sentences midway.....i guess i'll go into a neverending explanation if i do not stop....maybe you can complete the idea that i was trying to express yourself.....

go read up on perception and awareness.........

by now, you may or may not noticed, this neverending quest of knowledge since i was a foetus(learning to move my fingers and toes, activating my lungs...in the placenta), theres nothing that seperates me from an animal seeking everday answers to improves his chances of survival........

if you interact with ppl long enough, analyse your actions and their reactions...you could plan all your moves like the pieces on a chessboard.........its like the computer.....input an action....through whatever is picked up by the targets sensory awareness, emotions are elicited, out comes a reaction........that action that you input must control a large range of factors in order to elicit a specific emotion for a resulting reaction.

but even to cultivate a mental state, headspace conducive for some analysis is difficult....why can't we analyse humans thru interaction like analysing the moves that the computer is going to make to retaliate against your attack.....probably due to the lack of focus and concentration during a social interaction....we are constantly lost in our own thoughts and emotions to pick up these signals.........our emotions control our actions and our reactions to others.....if we are not being proactive by performing these actions, we are only being reactive to the actions or reactions of others...so 2 ppl can be endlessly lost in each others reactions....and depending on luck, what each person says out of reaction may elicit a reaction which elicits reactions.....in an endless cycle....depending on randomness, they decide to themselves whether they get along well with each other...that gut feeling, "chemistry"........

maybe one must put in the conscious effort to control your action regardless of your emotions and reactions initially........to elicit the desired emotions and reactions from the other person....

another way would be to calibrate your own emotions to others...by adjusting yourself to feel the right emotion, right reaction when the other inputs..................................................................like a drug, a bar, a place that humans inevitably go to whenever "biological urges" by our motivational systems.....by hormones maybe...dopamine, endorphines, oxytoxins, aphrodisiacs, whatever....



just a brief reflection of the things going on in mind lately.............well....many of the posts this entire year to understand myself, entire blog....are actions reactions urges and such.....................i could use my knowledge i have now to analyse my past words and reactions.......thru my blog.....

we're all the same, from ahlians to bimbos to myself....i'll share my events and feelings these 2 days for real this time.....

last week i focused on my inner programming, by throwing caution to the wind(read prev post)...sometimes cautions(good) and insecurities(bad) are the same thing........its hard to argue which it is...so when you want to abandon your insecurites....you have to throw both out the window....

to feed my inner, i had the desperation/motivation(same rite?), to practise my outer communications, subcommunications whatever.....i could choose strangers really....due to stupid me seeking excuses and avoidance, i looked to my friends........

i threw out a fishing line....the specific bait, targeting at their reward systems, you can use a worm or a shrimp....i should have used both...but i used the worm i guess which reels in the marjority of fishes....

i reached the hooked point with many of them......except one though which i failed...i wondered what was the flaw in my bait...i suspected something, and the truth which i discovered today, was exact...along the same lines...i told myself...."oh dear, i should have used the shrimp..."....or the fish is hooked to another fishing line..........

anyway, i was seeking all sorts of material...even misread and tried something..but today i understood that i left out a factor maybe out of denial, or maybe because i saw lowly of others.......

the engagement is short but communicates a lot.......within spotting the target and obstacle,reactivity,interestingly,(i was excited that i calibrated my reactive proaction behavior,kudos to me!) my mind launched itself to fight or flight mode...so it was fight, i entered. even though it was reactive, my conscious mind tried bein proactive and my subconscious followed suit, itself probably knowing that its the only thing up my sleeves to increase my survival chances......i was happy....that my emotions drove me to try and take control instead of shy away....thats a first step........but disappointingly, i lack practise in such situations which i need more of...........i reached into the depths of my pockets hoping to pull some magic dust or something but i didn't have any..i wasn't armed with the skills yet.....

i acknowledge the obstacle but i couldn't disarm...never done it before...in the end, i was cock blocked...the target's intuition was 100% on the dot..........i submit, i resort to evasive tactics and am happy that my limbs are intact.........

although the laws in todays society protects us from being brutally murdered, it doesn't change the fact that we were evolutionised to survive and thrive in a world million years ago that is extinct....today, a new set of rules govern our society...we can no longer trust our survival instincts on this struggle with our futuristic surroundings...we are no different from cavemen children...

a feeling of loss hits me, obviously, any outsider would feel when they try to enter a pride of lions, the king of the pride would kick you out from leeching off them unless you had something to contribute....like last week as well...i'm good with these emotions, it drives me further on my quest...


and the deal with the lemmings? i feel that there is so much that we can learn from their behaviors....simply not hibernating in winter like most animals would...solitary animals seeking personal gains...mate and seperate....and that part which says..."They will stop until the urge to press on causes them to jump off the cliff and start swimming, sometimes to exhaustion and death." they weren't try to commit suicide....they were migrating, seeking to fufil their destinies..and when that moment comes when they had to choose to give up their purpose or press on even with the risk of death........they take the plunge.

and i haven't got a chance to watch the march of the penguins...

i dont know how to begin this...i can't really think on a straight mind.............i'm really tired....

it all started over the idea of overprotection......it was my means of getting out of that neverending threat by avoiding the snake that never existed...

shall not go into the twaddle of things........

i tried something different today, and i'm happy for that...no regrets..........though i've failed, it was a learning point, a realisation that i'm still at the bottom of society.....

these are attempts of survival in the real world.....

i tried to be professional by running all the shit that i can think off(though i know not of many)....and none of them hit.........NONE of them hit....

5 things that i need to force upon myself..............

in front of those ppl, i was ignorant...but i wasn't self-conscious, enlightened by the fact that i will never ever see them again in my lifetime.........

i knew my failure, i knew it was all fake...but in the end i gave in, stop racking my brains and all and chose the easy way.........it was beyond me at that point, unable to navigate each levels properly...

giving up wasn't easy........giving up was definitely a hard slap on the face........it was like choosing fast food macdonalds over fine-dining.....accepting simulated responses over intention.............

whats most important today, was my failure, emphasising the need to learn and practice and work harder....i made a promise, i swore to a stranger today that i will become a different person that no one will recognise..........she was indifferent about it, saying that it wouldn't happen.........

i'm not about to give up like she did..................

i made a promise, i swore to a stranger today that i will become a different person that no one will recognise......................

there are rewards at every corner if you bother to dig deep enough.....

just a quick post..

it graet to see how the forces of attraction work....resulting in the alignments.....and why a women will never do the approach........maybe i'm wrong but.................................

it was quite overwhelming....and i do seem a little needy, lowering myself in the eyes of others....................

good experience good calibration.....didn't start any routines.......i don't know why......with friends you have no self-conciousness at all..with strangers....there is a tiny weeny bit...but when it comes to relatives.....though they mean nothing to your survival and will probably not affect you in anyway, maybe because i was a junior the way i see myself(which got them to see me that way to), i did not take the dive......

not me, my parents rep was at stake.....................

for axing out anxiety and stepping out to interact....i give myself
2 out of 5 stars....deserving a D grade..........

(i should start to grade myself from now on.....now all of a sudden, i'm for the grading system.....)
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i shall do a small description on the bounce...

one of them did a bounce.....well, it wasn't sucessful i guess..............and i saw why.......they wanted to, but they had no reason to.........

lack of rapport=lack of comfort=lack of pD=negative emotional response=decision leading to negative outcome.

i saw it in pixie.....she saw that piece of dried peach, laying on that ground right in front of her...but when she couldn't get it..........that emotional response that was elicited from her...she couldn't help herself...but tremble and shiver for a moment....her concious mind was in a battle against her subconsious...she was saying no to herself, but she was in noway in control of her desire...attraction is not a choice..........she started growling at it................go...i mumbled the words "Get It"....her agony was lifted...........

how i could make her do absolutely anything..............just for that piece of something which she doesn't even need............how that mental manipulation could be use on humans...its dangerous..... though we are logical human beings..........it takes more than courage.....more than anything to walk away from what you're attracted to............

stories of how girls are able make guys do absolutely anything simply by teasing them with sex.........movies of espionage.....james bond....wow..

anyway, the reason why the bounce failed though i didn't initiate it....was that....there wasn't even any comfort built......the reason they were hesitant was because of attraction....but they couldn't say yes to such a proposition.........cos they had no reason to....not like they felt that they had no reason to....just that the mind, subconsciously had not ticked that point off the checklist yet.........if they agreed...they would have been responsible for their actions, which ppl are naturally inclined to do....

they couldn't help with flash and prox, and i couldn't help it with my inate sense that they're into me......................wtf rite.........primed by years of fascinating evolutionary psychology........

to be different would be to think out of my circuit.....the willingness to walk away.............communicates the idea that you have something better....that what is currently offered is not even important to you......thanks pixie for showing me this.......for being my stupid lab rat..

i hate to believe this...but it seems things are indeed black and white...........

i gotta rush to sleep.......tmr will be a long day.....................too much external influences that are within my control reeling their evil cluthes at my throat..............

being the emotional person that i am.....i tried, and i guess i managed to throw my emotions aside this time....maybe it was supressed or something...i hope not....my days are counting down...life is a ticking time bomb....

these repressive depressive emotions stalling me.........people throw that heart of yours away, find a new one....time happens to be the factor....if i had time...i would have taken all my time just to chase that one ball........

we have no time.....go after all the balls..........they're so many shiny objects anyway....gotta start on the tough ones first....practise practise,and its like "gone in sixty seconds"......any thing you desire with the snap of a finger.......


to be honest....i've realised i've got a living specimen right in front of me........one that has been socialised by a million unsolicited engagements....its an honour to have slicced myself a piece of the pie after so many have tried and failed....everyone tries that fool's mate....

i fancy a challenge...

I shall take this little window of opportunity to blog down these little thoughts....not that i have to...........i've.......................

i'm sorry...but i guess i'll just leave you with so much........just realised how urgent my objectives are....so i gotta go accomplish those.......

might as well not publish this...but well....what the heck.
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people....you're all spastic.... sometimes it comes to me easy, sometimes it comes to me hard.....to express myself....maybe i just have nothing to say.......