Thoughts of a 'Man'

the carnival probably wasn't much to boast about, but i guess in the eyes of the students, which means me, we all feel its a sucess i guess.....firstly, the performance, i seriously don't know whther its good or not....i know i sang off many times....but from what i've heard...many ppl say it was good... i'm quite satisfied overall, since no one is really disappointed i guess, but i know we could all have done better...
helped out a little with my class stall...more of the satay one than the segway one because segway does not need much help besides the initial setting up....and i did not do much of that either...because i was more concered about how we're going to do in the performance....

before the performance, helped out to set the fire for the grill thingy....breathed in lots of smoke until i realised it could kill my lungs if i took in too much and ruin the performance...but don't care la...haha....just continued.. anyway it rained and much of the carnival was gone...

my friends came to see me play too, and they say it was good..well i know they wouldn't lie...after that, walked around a little with them...when i went back to the stall, felt guilty seeing everyone doing so much and i was holding a pizza box and eating pizza like who-knows-what....wahaahaha...wanted to help, but seriously there was nothing i could do...maybe at that pt of time, wondered how ppl saw me..lol..so i ordered 10 sticks of satay for my friends(which would have reinforced my evilness) lol...

shortly after that, went to watch clementi idol though i wasn't really interested in...but all my friends bought tix so i also go loh..the celebs were great...well but the contestants for idol....nah...i guess the only ppl who can sing were zhiwei kenny and cheryl...maybe all the girls could sing and zhiwei la(but he was not popular..if i was in the competition, neither would i want to win it...its so stupid to be have 'clementi idol' status...eeeee)...me and all those peeps that were sitting together with me had some fun...esp jeering sharul..lol...was quite bad...he tried his best, but everytime he sang 'in the end,' we continued with 'you lose'...('in the end, you lose' get it?).... took some pictures after idol ended...

after that, help out 'enough' in cleaning up....it was quite fun too i guess because of 'some' ppl...

all i can say, is that it was a blessing to have been thru the whole of yesterday...would stay with me for a very long time...

everything is a pity....but there were great stuff.... hard to express my self today...

heat coming out from the insides, heart thumping and words jumbled while i stutter,it being so soft i can hardly hear myself...

Read through some of those celebrity blogs, or blogebrities (celebrity due to high viewership of their blogs). You could say they all had their individuality(?), but they aren't extremes or stereotypes either. You could say they were more like a likeable character in a movie, something more like this in that sense. These blogs too had pictures.

If i ever got famous though a blog, i'll never want to be along the same wavelength as these blogebrities. It is just too much attention from the 'audience'. Attention is great just not the wrong kind.... Still, approve their actions though. Their way of acheiving fame are almost identical to my ideas. Getting fame through 'word-of-mouth', a term i commonly use, but it sounds ugly and crude. Xian... need to to find a better term la..

Lol, what i was drawn too however, was how to properly customise a custom blog template to include the comments function provided by blogger.com. I could do it, though it looks really sloppy and had bugs. It worked most of the time but just misbehave sometimes...

After tommrrow, i can finally breathe again. Though i'm always breathing since i'm barely affected by the examination, i'm sure most are, since many gave up this examination. But well, for me i would do this if i was the old me, but i guess last minute work is still better than no work. Furthermore, i'm not really expecting results from this examination either, placing more emphasis on actually making time to study and incorporating it into my life. Well, ref to prev blogs of trying to crystallize a passion for study. I'm at the ideal state of mind, even though i hardly imagined i would be months ago, however i guess part of is because of the pressure of the examination to do something about my life.

Seriously, something else i want to point out, i use to think or most would think that by studying you would throw your life away, which at the beggining is really hard to give up life. But i guess most of it is easier done then said.(not as hard as thought to be) You don't have to force life out of the way to study however, its more like when you study, life gives way, so you hardly have to face other 'desires'(eh don't know how to express, imagine Smeagol and the ring). So it really easy. Also, helps bring my mind away from 'troubled' state because of 'life crisis decision' and other problems.

So, it something to relish! :)

and, i hate the tone i used today, its so grown up... thought i could change the way i wrote those posts, since i never placed tidiness as something important, but i thought it made me looked half-confused and disorganised with my thoughts if i was untidy all the time. this serious style made me sound more mature and organised, like those blog-celebrities. But nah....its gay... Its like in the 1970s of betraying your facial hair and indentity to become a yuppie.

............................................................This is my identity......................................................................
-words of Bob

can't wait for the jamming sessions and the gig.... seriously anticipating it...i guess we'll just make a fool of ourselves again, but we cannot think like that!..must have confidence and all. after the exams i'll try to 'industrialize' this blog...and dedicate part of my time to playing music....

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17/7/05 12:05pm
guess i shouldn't occupy a whole entry if i wasn't going to say much all the time lol....anyway, today in quite a good mood...a few ppl with probs came to me...well when you think about other ppls probs....you throw your to the back of your head and stop thinking about it..can't exactly call mine problems, since they are more like...what can i call it?..for e.g, my studies are bad, and only thing i can do about it is study...something like that in that sense..
so guess i'll be making good use of today...wish me luck.... *flipping pages of history text....*


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16/7/05 9:04pm
was wondering if i should go there again....haven't been for a long time...well it was all worth it..

read title, says it all...

my whole day today pass me by pretty pretty and slow, peaceful, ended doing what i do best jamming....did not get the full satisfaction...because there were only 2 instruments....but i'm sufferering from fatigue the whole day...whole body aching the whole day, but my mind refuses to give in......my head in such a weary state..omg..music like a drug, dragged me passed my limits....and now i still kind of don't wanna give up such a beautiful day...i slept 3 hrs last night....and 4 hrs the night before....7 hours in 2 days....had no afternoon naps....damn exams....around this afternoon, my throat became sore...it hurts terribly now....because of not enough sleep, and i'm falling sick...and my face sprouts a few pimples...owwww......i can see the 'tire' in my eyes everytime i look into the mirror...

so tata....i shouldn't even be here.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

feeling sick(as in irritated) today...things just suck.....listened to some heavy metal, sigh....thought i was addicted to it, but soon, it just gets irritating...stupid sound of power chords....too repetitive....so sick...everything is retard!!!!.........

lol...after months and months of entries...i think this one of those rare few that i've express anger....ARGH!...probably just the stupid exams and inadequate sleep....but deep inside, i know why....

'jealousy turning saints into the seas...' a little of what is making me whine........

i just don't get it...

i hate this 'me' right now that you see in this entry...i sound so impulsive and filled with 'angst'...lol..

maybe right now, everything is just plain boring(obviously...esp these few days..), and anger at this moment is just a substitute to add interest into my own life...

otherwise, i guess i'm still alright with 'Trial 1 of Operation: No Life'

.......wanna SLAM MY KEYBOARD!!!....argh......no this is not how i want to live my life...i need yoU!...know what i've realise?...still love you..omg....xian...wonder how much time i really need...

head's in a mess right now............zzzz..lol

one of those times where one wants to blog so badly, but have nothing to whine about...lol, guess i aint me anymore... i use to reflect on whatever happens(in life)....i have my entries for proof, but recently, everything is just passing me by, either too many things are happening consecutively, worst,at the same time or that nothing is happening... well, at least i'm reflecting about something now....

life is so peaceful...i guess it has always been, just that i never bothered to notice it...

i'm so lost for words now...(not like me)...i always have something to say...hmm..guess i don't contemplate or even bother about my own thoughts now.... A given-up thinker...

ah....don't mean to sound pathetic!!!....life is...haha..boring it is..

life...hmm...i'm in the growing up part of it...its funny, its like life is a total mess and we do nothing to stop it....right now, i'm at the process of cleaning it up... having listened to rock music my whole life(indeed)....its like as teenagers, i am so obsessed having my guitars sound distorted all the time suddenly you're just so sick of it...its pollution of noise....its just out of place(like life)... you want to get rid of it, and you start playing with the clean, pure sound...appreciate it for it being simple....

ZzzzzZzzzZzzzzZzzzz

didint blog for a while because my comp spoiled...don't want go into details for that...nothing much to blog though...hmm...interesting person..