Thoughts of a 'Man'

31/aug 1052am
getting too lazy to type anymore...its always about the same things anyway...i have a life, but don't know what to do with it...today, tried not to let 'it' get in the way of my mood, but it still did...sigh....it just sucks....one year of shit...

everything passes by so quickly, and i'm still bearing this 'hurt'.....

i'm going to scream myself nuts now...

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ah whatever.....lazy to blog....about life...lol

Why do they look at you with those eyes....like you are not normal...sure sucks to be you...it sure feels lonely eh?.. everything that you've done, everything that you try, everything you try to grasp...they go further away,everyone...

right here, somewhere i don't belong....

i guess i'm feeling restless....thus the symptoms will all come back...gotta get myself out from this stucked position now...*climbs out from hole*.....*Inhale*....yes, the air here's fresher....


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Sometimes it takes a while to hit 99.8% and takes forever for that 0.2%......please please don't run away...lol.. Some compasses point north...it works properly...some points away...its a goner...this one spins.... :S

This is what we have to get use to and live with our entire lives.....

Why?.....can't really express my thoughts.... why do they get it?....everything doesn't fit!....its like entering a world where topsy turvy is nature of everything...

The 'unsatisfied' gets it...has two things to choose from....though none can satisfy her fully...Two things, the 'blinded' follows blindly to something that does not even seem to be there...has made a mistake once...if the matter shows up between this new 'project', which will he choose...it will be a very hard decision....it'll be like a decision like that of to amputate the left or right arm...There is a high possibility the matter will happen again...even though stakes are different, he has decided from the start to not prevent this matter from surface completely....though well, things will sound if the matter does not happen, but then again it is bound to happen...

The 'spender'....well...he knows not of what he is getting himself into...well, thus may likely back out...

Well, i don't care......i care bout what happens to 'unsatisfied'..... will probably become 'totally unsatisfied'..............

well, then fools prove something..... Thats another story......................

P.S....sorry, i don't mean to sound this way, but details can't be given either since well....its too transparent....if it is....well ppl may get the wrong idea....i realised something today....

If things are transparent, we tend not to look at it directly, instead we look at it from different angles and get 'parallax error', a misunderstanding...When things are hidden, instead of looking at it from behind or from the sides, we look right at it....well, thus it remains hidden, while we get the idea that we got the 'idea'...

I really need to flip over, change.....i'm living my life the wrong way....the later i change, i grab less of what i need to save...before its all too late..START BUILDING UP THE BASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its not the world, its just me, my attitude and my stupid mistakes...

sometimes i just want to rip my heart out when looking...well, then a little something at the end of the day takes that feeling away...like being brought to heaven...

just been reflecting over it again...well, guess i wouldn't be person i am now if it didn't happen... a better man? i guess...after this, i'm sure i won't repeat this mistake again of letting someone leave my life like that again..why do i regret? they say we can easily get over something when something else presents itself...i don't see it....not only that....most of all, i might never find another person...

call it crap of all i was saying above, since it probably never meant anything to her...and probably it wasn't meant to be anyway, it was for such a short time too, so why the fuss about it? it didn't affect her life, but i felt it changed mine.......................................................................................................................
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Argh...sucks to feel like this...ah ppl..don't worry about me...i can manage.

i guess life can be great sometimes, just spending it with your friends..nothing much to say either...just wanna thank everyone that has been in my life...Thank yOu..

this happens to be the 100th post....today was quite calm for me, but i feel really disappointed...since my mood has allowed me to see so many cases of shortsightedness....this just doesn't fall on one person and one scenario....BUT EVERYBODY!.....many times i try to convince myself....but wah, everything is just a piece of mess....

disappointed i guess, because it seems that there is no one in this world that i can open up to...(and its brewing frustration in me right now...)

having said this, i guess i'm a really weak person....to feel this way...there are some ppl who just go about minding their own buisness, and you start to reconsider the phrase, "No man is an island"....

there happens to be a very limited few who actually have someone....well...how lucky!!!

well if everyone in this world is selfless...(again, it makes me selfish to say this..)

well, too many times we are plainly contradicting ourselves.... i can't go on...

here on out...i must be careful...but this is an entirely different scenario... the difference is, last time i used to have plenty of opportunities... but now it comes without warning and very rarely... one is never prepared for something that is unexpected...well, its like the chances of getting a golden ticket.. xghiosdughopsduihgpoishzdojasdf;oxo;ghoashf;lndfg

Mind playing:"....Reach Out For The STARS!!....."
Oh my.....*beep*...i can't take it anymore...i know what pap is trying to do....ah shit...i woke up from my nap...and to my disbelief, national day themed songs are playing in my head...wah lao....they play it every opportunity they've got on tv....and this is probably the effect the govt wants to acheive....even if it sounds bad, they want to play it so often that without it, it starts sounding in your head...*beep*..

i can understand why the media is doing this, some evil propaganda, but even in schools, they play it all the time....*sighing really deeply*...oh, can't they just let us students off?....i just realised that i've been through this every year, but strange, i've been hit so badly with it this year... its a good thing the songs actually sound 'nice' enough...if it was a in some devastated state and continues to play in my head non-stop, i'll probably shoot myself...(inthe head)...

and the blardy!! DANCE!....wah...its so gay loh...during the dancing sessions in school, the students that actually do it intently do look good doing it(i don't mean cool or anything, just not comical..)...they don't look weird...but for the others, the majority, we don't want to move a step...oh man.. no way...-_-"

DON"T WANNA BE A SINGAPORE IDIOT!..

seems like i haven't express myself this way in a long time...in quite a good mood today i guess, best i've been on the whole of this week...i feel like screaming the words, 'charlie chocolate factory'...the result of all this was because of finally having the chance to hold on to the 'elusive' for a short while...its always 'so near yet so far'..., and i'll stop elaborating on this pt..

wondered how my perspective changed just like that...i've always had an impression, esp this year..well, and because when we have that initial good impression, i guess it will eventually lead to this...this one came about totally from my feelings and is something that i had no control over...(i can hardly understand myself on this part)...as in, i never expected it, but it just happened this way, feeling this way....something i can't do anything to avoid...

well...whatever....haha...studies are the top of my agenda now...

a good day to die...it is one of those days where i feel that this life and this world is absolutely plain...that if i would to die now, i would have the least possible amount of regret...lol...yep...its boring...

its august...about 3 more months to o lvls...haha...everybody is counting down to the o lvls which is at the nov....i don't ever remember myself giving such a heck to time....if it was still last yr, the december hols would have seemed so distant....but now...aiyah...its so different, it feels a little sick too...

well, come to think of it...there are some things i really want in my life....hmm...but without them, life wouldn't be any worst either...(i'm probably sounding like that maybe because its how i feel right now i guess)...

don't have much to say....there are somethings that i want....but my intuition tells me that others feel its inconvienient...and i guess...well everything is inconvienient right now...sigh...

just had a small argument with my mom....arguing about music related stuff....her idea of sucess is celebrity status....thats not what i want....and that her only warped idea of sucess...i want to be an artist not a celebrity...one regconised for my work not one for my fame....get what i mean?.....

but right now i have neither...so let just stop here..lol

today pretty shitty....had ljs for lunch....it didn't taste really good to me today...maybe i'm not in a good mood...

sigh.....the sacrifices we make....the changes we try to make...friends become enemies..........

zzzzzzzz...find blogging more to be of unecessary whines.... excuse the words i written here...its not like me..and sounds pretty immature too...

being unorganised...its not that i don't want to...its so hard when there are so many interesting stars in the galaxy, twinkling, blinking....like the signals of a lighthouse...(sound like nursery rhyme siah..)....the vast galaxy, but hard to choose between which star to adventure...

even when you've plotted your coordinates and settled the course, you thought you saw your destination, on your way.....something else hits you by surprise...or you have a new spark of interest else where....its hard to be organised this way...

but no matter what you want to choose, you can hardly decide either....space is the world of unknown...you'll never know if you took the right plunge, worst enter an ice field or a black hole...ahh.....you'll be begging to be let out..

oh....Venus, Mercury and Pluto....