Thoughts of a 'Man'

wasn't planning to blog......just have nothing to say....at the start.....but it ends up, its just feels necessary now. this sense of duty that i must give some last words before i close up the week or it'll really feel as if the week has been wasted.......well...no matter how uneventful.............

(this song just happened to be playing and i guess it adequately covers what i want to say about the week, without myself having to express it)

Raindrops keep falling on my head
And just like the guy whose feet are too big for his bed
Nothin' seems to fit
Those raindrops are falling on my head, they keep falling

So I just did me some talkin' to the sun
And I said I didn't like the way he' got things done
Sleepin' on the job
Those raindrops are falling on my head, they keep falling

But there's one thing I know
The blues he sends to meet me won't defeat me
It won't be long till happiness steps up to greet me

Raindrops keep falling on my head
But that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turnin' red
Crying's not for me
Cause I'm never gonna stop the rain by complainin'
Because I'm free
Nothing's worrying me


BECAUSE I"M FREE! NOTHINGS BOTHERING ME!

my week was 101% like the lyrics of this classic song......there were just so many times.......during these points....the pressure just got a little too high.......it wasn't even stress.......it was like big heavy clouds just seem to tower over me wherever i went unrelentlessly..........so much so, the atmospheric pressure just seems to squeeze me against my head and my chest.............so many times.....time and time and again, i just felt like letting it all out...tears lined against the breakwater of my eyelids...........
then like neo in the matrix.....it would suddenly seem like i could see the world in codes.....i could see the world the way i want it...i could see the truth...for how cruel World is.............and then feel theres nothing cruel about the world and her cruelty.........

the weeks just keeps getting more and more stucked up....each week contends to be the worst....and this week has been the worst of my entire ns life...........

however, wanna also say that i'm not feeling hopeless rite now..........i've got some priorities done up again.........even though they may never last long enough to be carried out...i guess its good to have a path or routine to follow for now.....routine....i really don't believe life has to be organised or follow a pattern......this occurred to me as i was doing guard duty just yesterday, a saturday evening to sunday morning.......the camp was practically empty, empty, empty....except us, the camp guards...its really weird how much meaning i've managed to siphon dry this meaningless duty...bleak and desolate....we guards aren't guarding anything, just following a routine order.....i was a prowler......we had to follow this route.....me and my buddy's route was to circle the entire camp.....let me just explain how it like on the scene....fences and trees... fences on my right...tress on my left....no need to explain what fences are for..it stood between me and freedom as i get a good view of the longstretch of highway and roads..trees were to prevented the outside world from seeing anything insde the camp...but more like we were being isolated, and i was tasked to guard my isolation....it felt like walking through an endless tunnel, an on the other part, it was like a prison...
its like guarding an outpost that nobody gives a shit about...that the whole world have left behind for that moment.......and inside that guardroom was 'twilight', time literally stood still..since there were hardly any windows....kind of like a club, where i would be if i wasn't doing guard duty...

experiences like these don't happen everyday, whether i was fortunate or not to have experience it....though i was down most of the time, i guess everything is enriching......but its inevitable that routine is the right choice for the next few weeks, months, or even the rest of the time that i may be serving ns........this hasn't happened when i was schooling, which should have been done so, and i would have been sucessful until now.........

for years, my mind will never seem to relieve itself of its civil unrest.....i will try..

To the world out there....if you could only hear my voice......i'm drowning, nobody's here to save me...nobody gives a damn about tsunamis that don't hit them............

time to pack my bags for another week of confinement....literally, metaphorically.....

just have to say this quickly...wasn't really at home at all to have a time to say something..and i have to book in..anyway....

this vid that i just put up.....really pity the main superhero in it, only his no longer one..........watch and you'll understand why.......(and maybe the lyrics as well..)

don't wanna lay things straight....but how outrageously wrong it sounds, what hock chuan had said, i agree with him so much that its true.......

Instant Gratification...love it or hate it.... its the way to go........this sadly is the truth...

ppl grab all the food thats in front of them in a buffet, even though the food seriously sucks...they just cannot not have something lousy when its either free, or right in front of you...............

i tried.......and i think it sucks..... i rather live on the streets each and everyday of my life, and live a life of freedom then live a life where it is about chasing those needs..............and esp when these 'things' arent needs.................we'll all look back years down the road and realise, oh fuck......i slept with an arsehole.....and now i'll pay with nothing but regrets........

i'm not pin-pointing at anybody, but generally at a significant proportion of the human race.............

it just so happens each time, hear news from here and there........it feels like the iraq war, sept 11, north korea, the tsunami, catastrophes happening around world, but it doesn't really hit you or change your life in anyway....i don't really give a shit, or greys my hair, but have a slight sympathy for this ppl.....that the world is going down, we're bound for hell

and i start to think, whats was wrong, is wrong with this ppl.............maybe nothing's wrong but i'm that piece of shit to begin with..........

Like a superhero that nobody needs.



P.S maybe i try to curb my needs and wants sometimes, but like everyone else , i've resorted to mental and emotional masturbation by pouring out all these words and thoughts that i've held for so long and had to come out....cured the urge and blast it , cum at the world all this vent up anger....and not without the constant nightmares that i have while asleep these days....Instant gratification...there i've done it like everyone else...........and i'll start to do so in many aspects of my life until i feel i've cleared my doubt that this is wrong? If you can't beat 'em, join 'em..

YOU ARSES that i've lost.........Still love you all so you know.........but now i'll go out to catch my own pies....