Thoughts of a 'Man'

in life....allyou have is time....thus time management is really important....you have to fill time with incessant number of things to do..........so..you'll be doing a lot of things and have no time to think...i guess this blog has been helpful in helping me think....

with so many things...one might be carried away with doing things for the sake of doing it....

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ah....its a slow boring saturday morning for me...15 mins more and it will be 12 o clock.....

i was supposed to help out with the children today.....but now that the programme has been cancelled until further notice, my saturdays will be boring and grim...

i think i'll work on what i have to work on...lots of things which i want to acheive which requires a sluggish uphill battle......hockey, guitar,studies,physical training.....i'll be doing one thing or the other.........and not to neglect any of them.....

so i've got my day, today, planned out.....physical training now.... hockey, lunch, guitar, sleep or study, study.....all done by 6 pm......then i guess i'll have dinner at home or hopefully i can find some friends to go chill at esplanade at night since my relatives will be over, and the house will be in chaos...too much for my liking....or actually nothing for my liking.....i'll be stuck in my room or stuck on this computer........

shit....not sure if i'll wanna head out tonight, i wanna watch tv..................

sigh....been pondering over it for a few days now.....and from naruto that brought it up...

From wikipedia(or the source which wikipedia got it from):
Deidara was originally teamed with Sasori, whom Deidara referred to as Master Sasori (サソリの旦那, Sasori no Danna?). This is probably because Deidara had a lot of respect for his fellow artist. He also admits that Sasori was a lot stronger. Despite that, Deidara still argued with Sasori about what art is and directly disobeyed his command in spite of a threat to be killed. Deidara held that art is transient, departing quickly. Sasori believed that fine art is something wonderful that's left long into the future. This reflects their individual natures (Deidara makes clay sculptures that explode, Sasori makes long-lasting puppets out of humans). Deidara outwardly seems to respect Sasori's beliefs, but couldn't resist getting a final jab in after Sasori's death: "Like anything that is left for the future as a thing of eternal beauty... He got killed straight off!"

anything that belongs to me, oftimes which i refer to as art, gets destroyed sooner or later.......which i feel real guilty about and which has led me to think that life and nature is cruel where everything can easily be destroyed........i remember my parents always reprimand me about destroying my brother's toys not out of intention which has been kept as it is as it had been the state when it was bought..there was this He-man(how to speel?!) figures and castle which i destroyed....one of the figures had its limb detached........and a RC car...which i just wanted it to go faster and faster which was all i cared about as i was controlling it until it ran into a wall and then...........can't move, drop dead......

till now, mistreatment has always been one of my habits.......in almost all aspects of life, whether its people or my belongings.....

anyway, another of my bad habits, well, evil personality trait....is to take things slow...and take things easy....i've realised it in my studies or all the time which i just slack off doingnothing............lol..yesterday..my hockey coach was telling me that i have to react faster and push myself to go faster instead of always taking my time...............he said it a few times which i could barely remember, but it only hit me when he said it yesterday....................................
this is something i urgently have to work on...well, i hope i'll be ready............

well, thats all of it thats going thru my head these days..............................

please be happy when you read this entry... i've started to see peace as i have always conceptualised it to be, which have always been missing and only an experience belonging to a few ppl.

Today was one of the best days i had this year.. Through out the day, just spending time with friends...ppl that i've always been with, but felt like i haven't been in touch with them for a long time. In the morning school was a real bore...the chinese new year celebrations were a real bore...we had this 'lou hei' competition and each class were to get their own ingredients for it..ours had many ingredients which taste bad all together..they were all seasoned titbits and some other disgusting preserved foods...you don't want to know, trust me....the concert was worse, there is nothing in it i can go on about...well, for the friends who have been around to talk to, everything was over much much faster then it really had been...

anyway, i met up with some of my secondary school friends...me woeny chung lk, duck and eileen...we headed to town and immediately went to suki sushi buffet for lunch from 1200 to about 1500....well suki sushi has low quality food, but its quantity and variety which was attractive....some of the dishes i could remember having were, all the fried tempura stuff...fried mushrooms, fried squids, fried octopus balls, fried salmon skins, fried soft shell crab, baked or fried oysters, fried tofu...cannot rmb...some soba, some sushi, sashimi, handrolls, some icecream puffs....ok...i think its not really worth it...actually it was..but i feel like i was gorging myself with rubbish and junk food for $20

ok after that...we strolled around the place, esp around the shops-exhibits at cathay...it really is the nicest place in town to me, it was quiet before which i liked, but now with more interesting shops around, its just how it feels to be in touch with art....

time was passing quite slowly actually...was getting really sleepy and all, and sitting down at benches and couches lined along the malls each time we past some of them.....we had nothing to do really, but it felt sweet, tranquil to me....so it wasn't right to go watch a movie either..we decided to go woen chengs house to chill and play majong.........along the way was watching 'jarhead' on linkang's ipod.....nice...didn't get to watch it all..not sure if it was exactly a war movie...it was more like a, i don't know what you call it, movie on army life......

when we got to woencheng's house, we played mahjong for a few rounds...lighthearted entertainment, and of course more food...we had lots of fried 'wuxiang'. direct translation= five spices....homemade...after chilling...

we decided its time to go for dinner.....there were only me serchung and woencheng left anyway...we decided to check out the italian restaurant & bar just by the neighbourhood....heard from my sis its good food for good price with good atmosphere & lightings......

the restaurant wwas dimly lit, we were like dwarves amongst the tall furniture...we had to climb up the tall cushioned benches where our legs hung in mid air...we already had a heavy lunch...so we decided to spend a little and had the purpose of just sampling the food....we had pizzas that were stone-oven? baked thinly crusted pizzas.....first we ordered miale(me-ah-leh) pizza....it had bacon and mushrooms...and i don't remember...ok it was good pizza, or high-end pizza....lots of quality mozzerella....we were also served warm bread with olive oil and vinegar?(the black substance in vanaigrette....not sure if its authentic or what italians have..)............we also had 'Jumbo Sausages' with caramelled onions....and.......mustard....while eating..we decided the food was so good, that we had to call weiyan to join us..so we did...and she came down.lol...the other pizza we ordered later was pollo....pizza topped with chicken dipped in pesto..olives........each 12 inch in diameter(picture one foot sandwich in subway) pizza, delight that cost only $15!!....and so i had a heavy dinner...5 slices altogether and with some sausages...

ok...everything...godly....company was godly too....felt like being in a mastercard commercial....

Sushi buffet: $20. Ingredients for Wu Xiang: $4. 2 Stone ovened thinly crusted pizzas: $15 each. Jumbo sausages with onions: $8. People and laughter to dine with: Priceless.

There are some things money can't buy, but for everything else, There's 'cash'

ahhhhh....Hope i could have shared this with as many ppl as possible, but unfortunately for the few ppl who did, thx for the great time........

Blogger is a pissing hell...pissing me off.....after converting to google, its giving me so much cluckle doodle doo doo.....i wanted to blog so badly, and blogger not giving me face and denying me.........

just been listening to music for the past 2 hrs on the computer not doing anything....so much pent up stuck up words to remove...pry my mouth open and reach into my heart to really yank at it and pull it out.........sigh, music....what a relationship i have with music.....its like perpetual admiring from the corner but not reaching out for it..it really cracks and cheers me up...its important..

school is killing me with boredom and disinterest?.....life's like being a monk, have to restrain myself from this and that....What's worst is that class and lessons is like a monastery.Another week have gone...........here's a brief back in time....

Monday, wasmore or less alright...it sucks....i think the best thing i had was actually hockey training...can you actually believe it? i'm enjoying hockey simply because everything else is so boring.....i was quite enthusiastic in gym and later at the bball court...though i did not play...................

Tuesday....it sucks....i hate school i really didn't care if i was late.....i was hoping i was late so i could go home.....but yes i was late, and no i did not go home.....i entered school, the indian lady ask me to walk to the entrance at the concourse toface my doom, i walked as normal...just before i reached that scanning ezlink and marnicum, i ran into the side door and up the stairs....i done it once or twice without ppl noticing...but today...the indian woman saw what i was doing, and started screaming..haha...that feeling, freedom...........i know its stupid...i'm not proud of what i've done haha...but its cheap thrills like this that kept my heart pumping for the right reasons.....it reminded me of the few times which i went against school authority...its real fun if you never tried....seriously i think its metally wrong or something, like how ppl steal in shopping centres just to get that short moment of high....this is how i felt....this could maybe explain the many times where i always went against authority just to feel good....i know i look nerdy and all...but its exciting....

there was once when i primary 3.....it was afternoon session...and we had to 'flag lowering' session...........the teacher was announcing to the whole school about me, and that i'll have to look for him RIGHT NOW at the front where the podium is....everyone was standing listening to it...at that point of time....my legs just took me away, i started running towards the school gate and out....LOL.....it wasn't out of fear....this i'm sure.....it was just for fun...

and if you have studied history in secondary school, you'll know that stalin had show trials to sentence state enemies..............yeah i had that in primary 6....basically the whole class was being reprimanded........and all were to be punished....our form teacher thought it was too harsh, so she picked 7 names...7 of the most mischevious in the class for caning....reason because we were naughty, and there was no specific wrong that we did to deserve this......in the principal's room, we were lectured for using vulgarities, vandalism, making noise in class...all these....and then we were cane(on the hand..haha)..because of course we admitted to these 'crimes'..............we left the room laughing al the way back to class...

anyway, Wednesday...i was late, and i didn't go to school..i knew i was late, but i just tried going to school and all......just to let chance decide.....i drop off from 190 where the polyclinic was, where all the cck students alighted....and from there i wandered around before going home....wah sian ah..........

today, don't talk about it....numb to everything thats happening and numb to the 'depression'.....numb as in not emo....but just empty inside, even though everything still looks fine........

Tommrrow will be the first day of february.............if life were to change at all, this month could be it..and i hope, this year wouldn't be a bad year for me....i fear for my life right nowmany new challenges that i'm embarassed to talk about...lets hope everything turns out well for me.........

if i were to be open-minded, i should and i will embrace all these new experiences even when all of these demands a lot from me..................more of the new inner obstacles and demons that others could not feel is coming at me..........

i hope blogger does not crash when i click 'publish'..........