Thoughts of a 'Man'

as i stay at home more and more....well, more frustration chokes up...and from the existence of new posts and frequent updates, you know things in my perspective is not swell...

i feel like a pathetic asteroid... feel sorry for all you asteroids out there... we were created by the universe simply to be lost in space, pushed around by gravitational fields....unlike the planets who at least has some significance...

arghhh....the stupid center of the universe is like the thing that keeps the whole universe 'standing'....

i'll stop with this...its just sucks to feel like 'this'....those who have felt it, like the universe has nothing in store for you, like the universe have forgotten about you, you're a 'forgotten'...being left out by the universe.........we're like pathetic lower life forms...

staying at home for 4 days is really killing me......i'm telling you, every second is a big damned dread....you wish you had the strength to break thru the walls!!! there is so much to be let out!....get a job?...earning money and doing nothing or at least a little something is better than doing nothing....



i'll shut up...

Life goes easy on me...more like i go easy on life.... i wonder if laws of physics had any relation to life....maybe in newton was a shakesphere... O_o ...... i just had to leave...oh man...can't stand it i guess...mum told me of how i reacted differently when in pain....wow...so cool... turned on the music again today...allowed it in again...when i need a break from life...and esp all this boredom...i like life to be more of a display i guess....dismiss it when i get bored? a new show has just begun..................................................with one that just ended....things are just going to change...esp volatile are the coming weeks....

i'm bored i'm bored.....bored by my life's daily routines....bored by my life's goals...bored by my life's events.....have no love to live for, and it just doesn't feel sad also...for awhile i felt desperate..and even the desperation is gone.....its like life is being standstill and moving altogether....

i finally understood a point....in the filler episodes of naruto which i watched today.....raiga, this guy, conduct funerals just to stimulate sadness so he can feel the 'meaning' of life..some sort, get what i mean?.....i was life..What THE BLodddy DAMn f*** do you want.... you're pathetic to want to feel pathetic.... now i understand what he means though....(i'm not stating that i'm experiencing his stupid disorder)

hahahahahaha....i feel like i'm a stupid git again...i'm whining about boredom all over again....i must have done it over tons in this blog since it started...

erm...don't mind me..not asking for pity either...

woke up during about 2 am....and started thinking of it again...well...its helpless though....maybe i'm still thinking of it because i just have nothing to do these days.... welll woke up in the morning and till now...still think... I KNOW WHAT CAN GET MY MIND OFF THIS!....shall not dwell my thoughts on this eh.................................................................................................................................................................................feels helpless la...

if youre wondering whats up with me, i guess i've been keeping things to myself again lately....must be the exams again i guess....

argh....words are stupid...but i must endure and go on typing i guess....its like i'm struck with paralysis, and its like i want to move, but can't...

i shall go on, and express myself with 'daily living examples'...so bear with my lameness, its because of the 'paralysis' i talked about up there that i have to do this..lol..

i still remembered how i couldn't stuck myself enough to the liquid when i was on the surface, on the verge of evapourating! and 'PIU!'(imagine the sound from a laser gun...)....i didn't hold tightly enough to the molecules around me and i was sent away....well, for a gas particle which is moving at high speeds(high k.e) and random motion, there are probably close to zero chances for it to return to the same group of molecules or molecule, for this matter...EVEN IF IT WAS TIGHTLY ENCLOSED IN A JAR.....with regrets, though this has answered my question, only that it is based on a zero chance...well, accepting the zero is one thing, accepting the zero when it isn't zero(low chance, doesn't mean no chance..lol..) is another thing...

well, there are high chances of returning to the liquid though,through condensation, with other molecules... i just hope the forces of attraction are aligned long enough for me to return to the liquid...(this needs more elaboration) imagine the...hmm...was it a death star or star destroyer? imagine it trying to tractor in the millenium falcon...it has to keep the tractor beam there so it get sucked all the way to its....whatever you call that...(i had the word in my head for a while..)..if you turn the beam off,......the millenium falcon is free to move again, so the initial 'on' of the tractor beam is negligible, if it is to off later, since the final result of it turned on for a short while and not turning it on at all is the same...going back to liquid, i hope the force of attraction doesn't wear off....

the ideal state is liquid

this is some totally unnecessary geek talk...my brain is boring, i can't express it beautifully with nature or something.(i'll try next time)...and i realised that in a liquid, molecules can still move freely...so the point that i want to emphasize is lost...i'm tempted to delete this, since its totally irrelevant, but it has become 'Art' with a capital A...so ppl can just relate or infer to whatever...

ehhh....i not trying to be cryptic....don't judge just because i keep my mouth shut..for this matter, and well because of the person that i am...i shut my mouth too much...don't judge..

every of life's seconds are torture... !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i don't want to list the things that are going wrong today.....feeling physically unwell....someone show me 'that' that is worth living for...

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This entry is because i'm really bored and have nothing to do, it is also because i'm really tired now and that is only about 9, and that there is really no good reason why i should turn in.....i haven't thought of a title for this entry either unlike the usual.... Sigh, besides thinking of the o lvls....all i ever think is about my present life right now...it feels like everything presently just isn't affect me once i really leave..(can't find the right words to express..)...i'm really tired now i guess......welll, i don't know why, my mp3 collection just sounds really spectacular to me right now....i'm so bored over it, so many times...

enough of the above useless and redundant.....i feel quite consious all of a sudden....and i want to make sense again....

quite soon, my present life is going to disappear....i feel quite impassive about it....not exactly nonchalent.(some words here..lol..was looking thru the thesauraus since english exam is this wednesday...)....its not like something i can prevent either...things are just going to pass me by like it doesn't matter if it did...

i can't go on anymore...my father is chasing me away from the comp right now..he wants to use it...-_-"...... there are so many things getting in the way now....pushing you away from what you really need...imagine the movie scene where one guy absolutely can't see shit without glasses, his glasses came off, its lying on the floor of a really crowded busy street....you watching being stepped at, while you try to reach it.....but, no avail....eh...a helpless feeling..

i guess i'll try to get whatever that is held inside me out these few days...or some time in the future..it really doesn't matter if i let it out or not...its like something only you can bear, a problem which you are bound to face...like growing up, can't avoid and have to struggle thru it..

its not complicated...its simple which makes it hard to explain....now i'm like bringing you in circles...yeah, ppl sure are going to hate all that i have written....

its a little man here just wanting to let off some steam...

This entry is because i'm really bored and have nothing to do, it is also because i'm really tired now and that is only about 9, and that there is really no good reason why i should turn in.....i haven't thought of a title for this entry either unlike the usual.... Sigh, besides thinking of the o lvls....all i ever think is about my present life right now...it feels like everything presently just isn't affect me once i really leave..(can't find the right words to express..)...i'm really tired now i guess......welll, i don't know why, my mp3 collection just sounds really spectacular to me right now....i'm so bored over it, so many times...

enough of the above useless and redundant.....i feel quite consious all of a sudden....and i want to make sense again....

quite soon, my present life is going to disappear....i feel quite impassive about it....not exactly nonchalent.(some words here..lol..was looking thru the thesauraus since english exam is this wednesday...)....its not like something i can prevent either...things are just going to pass me by like it doesn't matter if it did...

i can't go on anymore...my father is chasing me away from the comp right now..he wants to use it...-_-"...... there are so many things getting in the way now....pushing you away from what you really need...imagine the movie scene where one guy absolutely can't see shit without glasses, his glasses came off, its lying on the floor of a really crowded busy street....you watching being stepped at, while you try to reach it.....but, no avail....eh...a helpless feeling..

i guess i'll try to get whatever that is held inside me out these few days...or some time in the future..it really doesn't matter if i let it out or not...its like something only you can bear, a problem which you are bound to face...like growing up, can't avoid and have to struggle thru it..

its not complicated...its simple which makes it hard to explain....now i'm like bringing you in circles...yeah, ppl sure are going to hate all that i have written....