Thoughts of a 'Man'

well, this feeling just never vanish....hmm...what an experience....when i look back, when i'm old, i'm sure i'll certainly remember.... 'this love has taken its toil on me...'

iuslkjfhgkldfspogihasefnklasjfnas/......just never seem right....!!!!!!!!.....** ARGH....)()()()()()()()()()( 84732234562312.................................................................................

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somebody kill me....

Sigh...have sleepless nights over something so small and stupid.....just can't make a damn decision too.....its like the meter keeps flauctuating between 'yes i should' and 'no i should not'........and so it goes...right now, it is at the 'no i should not' an hour ago, it was 'yes'...two hr before that it was 'no'.....3 hrs before that it was 'yes' and 4 hrs before that it was 'no'....10 mins before that it was 'yes'......

its nothing really....its a problem of choosing between 'i should, because its right' or 'no, it'll give ppl the wrong idea, and that well, i'm suppose to not give a damn anyway'.....................by looking at this...you probably would think i'm some shit pathetic fool, that i should go ahead and do the right thing....ah,....its just hard....

the point is, whatever i do, it doesn't matter to the other party........(i just want to curse at this pt...)......!@%&&!%#@&@^%#

so i guess i let this pass....it'll probably be just another annoying grain of sand in my life that never fails to get me down....the point goes back to, 'the possibility of it being a milestone' but just my stupidity....

k...shall quit whining bout this too....its wasting time...we all have some real shitty problems eh...

the very problems, just happens to be the solution to face this cruel world...

ah for a second i feel calmed...

this is one big shitty post.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When my uncle said something about me being a 'destroyer'...i guess he was true....i've destroyed almost countless of things....computers, toys...the things i associate most with when i was a kid..lol...and they are always damaged which otherwise would not have been if it was not for me...sometimes, i feel that the just happens to almost every other aspect in my life....

stupid things that i do out a sudden need for fun...omg....it wasn't even so much of an impulse, none of it was because of impulse either....but....the fun made me looked really stupid omg...its like there are some ppl who like drama in their lives...and creates it unconciously....i'm not along these lines, but sometimes i feel like i'm delibrately destroying something, yes, out of boredom....

not many ppl approve me...well, to think about it......nobody approves me...(i'm not whining down here..)....i mean no one agrees with my behaviour.................!!!...makes me feel really RADICAL!!....hmm.....guess theres something unique to all of this....*woot*

get out of my 'otherside'!....haha..jk..bleah....

TIME IS RUNNING UP!......i can't believe i even got here...but if i don't do anything, theres nothing to it....but i don't know!!!.....so little time, so much to do!!!!...arhghhghghghghghgh.....i'm nuts..

well....things happen for a reason... i wonder what is it..everyone is so weird this days...all that you are doing is not helping me.... only confusing me...everythings mixed.....i fear the future ahead...i wonder if things are happening for me?...

i guess i should study...

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i think its because everything will come to an end soon....things will soon change and now we're just grabbing the things that are dear.... but i guess what lies ahead makes me sick too....for e.g.. i want to go to a jc not because i want to, but because its the its the next best choice left...i rather stay where i am....no wonder everybody hates growing up...ahh....ah ha!....i guess its the unknown factor again....why we're so afraid to die..i guess it feels this way too, when one day we realise that our time is up....When the day ended for adam, when he was so tired he had to sleep, he thought he'll never wake up again.. as humans, we're just so afraid of change and unpredictability and the unknown...of course you can mine some excitement out of it....hmm..

its been four yrs...tmr is the official last day of school in clementi town secondary in my life... wonder what happens tommrrow....well, we all grew attach to the fish tank that we are bred upon....sigh....its finally finally my time to go....well, i don't exactly have the best all the most unique experiences in this school.....but ahh.....it just sucks eh....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! going to sleep early i guess...want to be spirited enough to be happy tmr....or sad..., be at the midst of everything and not drift thru the whole thing....

what a big step we have to take..., and we have no choice!!!....its like being at the edge of the cliff, but with no where else to go but down....AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.....

can't figure out how to solve some minor obstacles..other than that...everything is perfect... :)

Life....these days are great i guess...there are things to live for....well, these days i live thru everyday just to see that smile...

omg...also not used to the big thick spectacles that i got yesterday....its so irritating..not something i want elaborate...ahhhhh

anyway, what a 'joyride'....well i hope 'the best is yet to be'.....(finally understand the ACS motto)...lol...

gotta go..

sometimes bad things don't just happen by accident.....it due to a streak of bad luck i guess....i'm not referring to myself...but i'm reflecting over something...its like if such ever happened to me...i have possible doubts that i'll make it either..

bless you all....