Thoughts of a 'Man'

recurrant sense of lonliness over the past few days or week, right after obs ended i guess......i really don't know what to do.............so i'm here blogging again.............hoping to see a conclusion that my heart desires............................................but i have absolutely nothing in mind....i don't want to sound like this like i've always been, denial of my emotions.......and end up emo...........

as i was running for the bus just now....i don't even know what i was running for.....i don't have to go home.........i can just stay out all night..........., the streets are empty, so is my home.........but realised if i'm at home, at least i have my computer......to hope for a rare occasion where i'll be talking to someone over msn, or just to blog here...........

i'm going thru hell........

was hanging out with some friends just now........it was alright.....they were all dying to get home....

i'm outta here........

So, you've discovered the 8th wonder.......life goes on....humanity at the brink of destruction, societies end because of a falling meteor....life goes on.....you against your whole family, whether that family existed, you live alone.....life goes on.....you're bored to death sitting in front of your computer for the past week, 2 weeks....and life goes on..........your 8th wonder is destroyed..........life goes on.......you walk pass a stationary shop, fair lady with cascading hair seated behind the counter at the end of the 'passageway'.......life goes on......found a new religion, believe in God....life goes on.......wah........even if you're dead, not concious.....life goes on...

some crap to look emo, or complicated.......i'm just smiling as i type this......

CREEP CREEP CREEP........creepy....

yawn.....so tired...i need to salvage my life man........................

was at the 'glass house' (i think bk and his friends call it that) fish and co today...didn't really want to go in...coz quite sick of it already..........................and well, the food isn't good recently..........went billy bombers yesterday at marina square....that is great food....it isn't like heaven, but its pleasurable at least...unlike overrated cafe cartel whatever, or spaggaedies or fish and co(places i've been and realised i hated)......my love for city hall is 'flushing'............raffles city and the renovated marina square..you can find absolutely any shop there, any eating place, and it is so less crowded than it is at orchard.......vivocity sucks, we all know.....but the malls at city hall...besides boring suntec, is most peaceful...not crowded....

waited outside for our seats...........for nearly half and hour, couples came and went,more than 10 couples got in after we get to go in.....when am i ever to have a girlfriend.....poor me, i so need that companion......but ppl, its not good to be desperate, not good to be a despo...lol.......this, people hate!...i hate.....when you get it, you get it....don't have to go find it........

Some tactics use by despo: (i learnt about these cheapshots through reading blogs and thru conversation...wahaha)

1) Get girl to fill some survey/questionaire/feedback that requests for contact information.
2) "You look familiar, do i know you from somewhere?"
3) SMS?.....(ppl are friendly sometimes, i guess)

ppl, please........don't do the above........know someone first.........

anyway, i'm so bored............................................................................................................

a better day tmr...please...

wanted to blog, but then decided i was too tired, or not in the mood...but i've so much to say...now i'm back to this entry..................

many 'irrelevant' and new things are happening in my life.....well, i kind of saw nothing of it....then i thought it could be the change of this small segment of my life...that positive change that i wish to see....................now it has caused me to be lost.....

ok...'irrelevant' as in i never saw it coming.........never saw it or its(many it) would happen in my life..........people and all.............sigh......

was watching this video on youtube, 'Why do you wake up each day?'.....i have no answer to it....seriously...its getting nowhere...unless the omens described above that have appeared would continue and remain permanent....i would have nothing to live for, for now........................it could probably explain why i even sleep more than 12 hours now that the holidays are here.......and staying awake for about 8-9 hours before sleeping again...........sigh...........

maybe i whine just a little too much............it could be the annoying part of me that is dying to get out or some desperate call for attention or something...................

just got back from obs...the mobile one, living in tents and all for 5 days.......oh yah...could be use for nyaa....now that i remember.........wahah........like steve(our instructor) said that it not all fun, but i guess the experience was memorable and worth it.....not sure how to describe it....yeah special of course.....i think we possibly had the longest land expedition ever......a route that was suppose to cover from one end of the ubin to the other......i am not exxagerating..other groups did probably only half the island.....and our first check point(and the nearest) is very very very possibly further than all the check points of another group put together.......we we took about 5 hours or less to reach the first check point(including time taken for lunch and breaks).....WAHAHAHA....about 3/4 of the distance from one end to the other end of the island....while holding the frikking heavy haversack in the unpredictable cursed weather..........sun, rain, sun rain.......wah......and the 'meaningful' challenges......and then we have to walk back 9/16(unsure?) the length of the island to reach the campsite....which is 3/4 of the distance we walked to reached the first check point......and yes...we only got to one checkpoint...........just to let you know, that the instructors were the ones that plan the routes, and was not preplanned............

steven the instructor, was pissing the group off from the first day onwards........and onlychanged for the better, everything changed for the better, since end of day 3, after the tiring hiking trekking and at the quarry dip...........that gave the group, or at least the guys and one girl a 180 degree turn for the better........honestly, everybody in the group hated the first 3 days.........other groups were enjoying every part of it...we were hating the start of it..............we were rushing every single second from day one onwards till day 3.....it got us pissed...while all the groups were slacking..we were rushing here and there to pitch tents in the dark and all....pack bags..squeezing into 3 tents....because it was close to lights off.....16 of us...thats 6,5,5 in each tent....whatever got the group that was not really bonded together was actually the instructor that we dislike at the start...for talking too much...and not having time to pioritize...a common enemy that everybody complained about.....

of course.....we realised his good intentions from the start since day one...but it got irritating, as steve guided us as if he had such strong social responsibility for us to endure it through with the help of each other...and to change our lives and all from that shithole we lived in in singapore...for us to mature.........however after quarry dip, we liked him a lot more....and subsequently after that....the halo started appearing above his head.................

6 jcs....obs said it was the first time..6 jcs were participating at one time, usually only 3.....being MOE's 'cream of the crop'..........uuughghhg....(got what use?!).....

guess i'll type a lot more when my itch stops....been enduring since the start of this morning...now its still unbearable.................like a thousand ant bites.....i sleep to lose the feelings....i don't wanna rely on painkillers either.....

felt like blogging several occasions before this.....but didn't do so...cos simply no point eh....

ah....i'm really tired.....but i just can hardly get to sleep these few days....God or something, put my mind to rest man..............i think i slept at 3am...and i'm awake now since 6..........even when i got to sleep at 3 i kind sleep.......argh..... and my throat is feeling weird.....(not good).... having some robitussin cough sweet or lozenge of some kind.............ah.......i worry that i can't practise properly with my band later...they may or may not be pissed........argh...............worse...what if i lose my voice tmr..............gonna fucked up the audition and all.................

some nice decision i made this week on thursday, was to give up on my project work........well there is just no point.......another 'ball and chain' hung onto my feet............

theres gonna be obs next monday.......it felt like another week of the holiday not truely spent but wasted..........but now to think of it, i hope i at least enjoy it a little and escape for a week...........and when i return, i hope my parents go on holiday...........

its been sometime, and i 've been wanting .........i think since a long long long time back, sec 1 or even before that.......to move out at 18..................its not gonna happen i think....hey wait........its going to.........i'll be in NS.....lol..gonna hate it...but i'll not be living with my parents........then after that....to university, live in the hostel or soemthing...............after that...earn some money to rent some place...i don't care where...even if its realy really small and tiny room...where all my stuff will be clattered..............its more ideal than now....i can be like an wandering artist and poet sort....that is really cool.........hard life you say, but it may be good.....or worse like some single lonely hippie.........i can't understand being fillial and all.......i just don't like them....and i rather not have any of their attention....wonder why some children to would do things to gain attention..maybe i want attention everyone else and not my parents...eeeeee...a pillar of support to lean on? i don't think so.......and for this i'm sorry for myself....i'll work and i'll pay off my debt to my parent, and though money alone is not enough.....i don't know what....do some charity, volunteer work? raise my own kid?......returning the favour through helping others on their behalf? i may not be sane....honestly, my perception of things.......

enough of depressing stuff.....i thought Shannon Hoon (RIP), was 'insane'...lol....watching the puddles gather rain?????!?!!!.............but but but, i realised its nothing uncommon you know...the other day it was raining....and well everytime it rains.....i was experience this.....ppl get depressed and look at the rain hoping everything was better....right...so it wasn't insane at all, everyone gets this all the time...... everything else in the in the lyrics was sane........

k...i'm really tired now.................blogging is a distant stranger to me now........................i'm over it...