Thoughts of a 'Man'

felt like blogging several occasions before this.....but didn't do so...cos simply no point eh....

ah....i'm really tired.....but i just can hardly get to sleep these few days....God or something, put my mind to rest man..............i think i slept at 3am...and i'm awake now since 6..........even when i got to sleep at 3 i kind sleep.......argh..... and my throat is feeling weird.....(not good).... having some robitussin cough sweet or lozenge of some kind.............ah.......i worry that i can't practise properly with my band later...they may or may not be pissed........argh...............worse...what if i lose my voice tmr..............gonna fucked up the audition and all.................

some nice decision i made this week on thursday, was to give up on my project work........well there is just no point.......another 'ball and chain' hung onto my feet............

theres gonna be obs next monday.......it felt like another week of the holiday not truely spent but wasted..........but now to think of it, i hope i at least enjoy it a little and escape for a week...........and when i return, i hope my parents go on holiday...........

its been sometime, and i 've been wanting .........i think since a long long long time back, sec 1 or even before that.......to move out at 18..................its not gonna happen i think....hey wait........its going to.........i'll be in NS.....lol..gonna hate it...but i'll not be living with my parents........then after that....to university, live in the hostel or soemthing...............after that...earn some money to rent some place...i don't care where...even if its realy really small and tiny room...where all my stuff will be clattered..............its more ideal than now....i can be like an wandering artist and poet sort....that is really cool.........hard life you say, but it may be good.....or worse like some single lonely hippie.........i can't understand being fillial and all.......i just don't like them....and i rather not have any of their attention....wonder why some children to would do things to gain attention..maybe i want attention everyone else and not my parents...eeeeee...a pillar of support to lean on? i don't think so.......and for this i'm sorry for myself....i'll work and i'll pay off my debt to my parent, and though money alone is not enough.....i don't know what....do some charity, volunteer work? raise my own kid?......returning the favour through helping others on their behalf? i may not be sane....honestly, my perception of things.......

enough of depressing stuff.....i thought Shannon Hoon (RIP), was 'insane'...lol....watching the puddles gather rain?????!?!!!.............but but but, i realised its nothing uncommon you know...the other day it was raining....and well everytime it rains.....i was experience this.....ppl get depressed and look at the rain hoping everything was better....right...so it wasn't insane at all, everyone gets this all the time...... everything else in the in the lyrics was sane........

k...i'm really tired now.................blogging is a distant stranger to me now........................i'm over it...