Thoughts of a 'Man'

State 2 advantages with the polar orbital and the geostationary orbital.

Polar orbital 1: Witness the icecaps melting, see the expanding hole in the ozone layer.

Polar orbital 2: See the polar bears struggle to survive as they drown in ice.

Geostationary orbital 1: Spy on the entrance of the cave that Osama Bin Laden is resting in.

Geostationary orbital 2: Watch porn on satellite tv.



I screwed my physics paper 3 and i guessed i screwed my gp too.....give me 1 year, and i might not even know the advantages of these orbits.........except for something junhui said today, which i could bearly remember..... anyway, i realised that if i gave any of those examples up there...i could have gotten 4 full marks for that section....arghhh...i don't want to go on about how there are so many application questions but none that we learn about in school......practice what.....



My gp essay is lacking in scope.....this i know...i just realised all the various perspectives that i could have added to improve the essay on advertising..........and i didn't of think of all these factors in that one and a half hourse until now..........besides advertising there are still so many things that affect consumer choice......but of course since advertising is the culprit, i could have tied it all these to advertisements, but i didn't....and that probably showed the examiners how blinded i was to the tricks up their sleeves.....argh!!!!!!......i wanted to go into celebrity endorsements and gore on cigarette boxes, but i thought it was too shallow............or rather, i would not have enough time..... the whole point on how advertisements seduce the entire public, this i did not write......shit on me...........why every one buys PSPs, iPods, that Little Miss series is really only one character, little miss prudish. shirts, bell-shaped hairs, NUM apparel, New urbanmale which really is new urban prude..............the need to integrate or differentiate....the need to have what everyone has....sigh..........how advertising changed the world into poseur world! ahhhhhhh.........how underground indie labels are really commercialised and worn by ahbengs.......

well i hope the points i brought up are sufficient.....too late...............

then comes gp paper 2......not women's rights again.....how many times do we have to go through this?!....yes....women already won...............why the fuss.......we should be talking about gay rights which is really neglected and suppressed way more than women...........the reason why men and women still do not have equal social statuses because we are termed 'men' and 'women'.......why do men have to be gentlemens when it further distances itself from equality...why do we open doors, carry their stuff, hold the umbrella when we're with a women, or place the toilet seat back(which no one really does nowadays).....not that i despise these things, and all men probably want to do these for the girls............but i couldn't think of anything, and i stood there for some crucial minutes just stoning and not knowing what to write for aq....

i feel so immature, ignorant and naive.............i am.. never have i felt so unconfident in a national exam before.....during psle, i was oblivious to what a big deal it was.....(it really could define your entire life if you manage to end up in RI or hwachong).......but at least i didn't do bad.....during o lvls, i was confident, complacent........and still i scraped through........now.......i might have already given up.......................ahh...the thought of retaking the a lvls, 2 years from now after ending my ns....i'm doomed to be left behind in the rat race, paper chase...whatever....

was a little pissed off today....but guess its ok now.....its just too trivial.....anyway, it just led into another episode of soul searching, which i won't talk about now..........cos i won't have the time..

i read an article about the youths in china.....despite the aging population around the world, china has one of the youngest population....despite being a communist country, collectivisation and communes which is what it should be.....the youths are displaying this self-centered attitude....it was a TIME magazine article a few months ago........but similarly it was about this consumerism, materialism, globalisation, the hedonistic treadmill that we've been reading about in the comprehension passages...its affecting even china.......where still a large population lives in poverty......... more about it another time...maybe tmr.......

also was going to read about Mother Theresa's recently unveiled lack of faith in both God and herself while she was constantly wearing a mask to hide her insecurities....even Mother Theresa, had insecurities, how am i ever going to destroy them......i wonder what insecurities Gandhi had.....and all the 'brave', 'courageous' ppl that have walked the planet...do they all have conflicts with their own inner demons?.....................

a reader wrote to newsweek,(apparently this is large news that is covered in probably all magazines and over the internet).......
'Great Saints have had grave crises of faith: the greater the saint, the graver the "dark night of the soul."'....
well, there were many ppl rushing to defend her.....but one thing's for sure....if you can't fight these demons, hide it........don't allow them to cause you to neglect all thats around you, and all thats important.........

well, i've not changed, but i will...................what a grave mistake i've made all this while...

this is confusing....a two opposing intended confusions led to a misunderstanding leading to genuine confusion....but clearly now i'm confused........i wasn't sure if i was right, but right now, either i'm really right or i'm really wrong.......

if i was right, ain't i being a little too honest here from the beggining?....whats the purpose?...is there a purpose for honesty?

intrigue.... there's the small o on the right,....... and there's the big O on the left.... like you said it was.... 'uniquely weird'

unless i was wrong from the start...from the very start.


i've have a puny flu virus in me......better not be dengue or SARS or anything like that, or i'll really flare...........its been giving me headaches, fatigue, sore eyes...for the past 2 weeks...damn, i'm going to get some medicine and sleep...good night...

let me try saying something when i've got nothing to say.... *yawn*........

ahhh....just whiling away my time while i digest my dinner and gorging down on more fruit........

how confident am i about my prospects? i need to back up my confidence with sheer hardwork...

Mrs ho was right about my gp essays. I wonder why she never pointed out all the flaws that i constantly make until today. She says my sentences are much too looooonnnggg because i like making each point with only one sentence. She says it is possible to make a point with a few sentences instead of combing different sentence structures which becomes so confusing that sometimes markers will have to reread each sentence a few times to ensure that it is grammatically correct. <--- such as this sentence. Anyway she has said a lot of things and i don't think i wanna go on about it.

*yawn*. Life has been dull lately. Life has always been dull for me. Oh dear, I've really got nothing much to look forward to after the A lvls. All i need is more dirt on my morale...... yeah rite.......

Everything's wayyyyyyyyyyyyy beyong my influence? A stupid thought to harbour.

I wonder just which 'loser' manage to win. Haha...i wish i was <---that 'loser'
Let me just try to remember. You found out, but this time things are different. So you can sit together on whatever... ah i tried to remember, but this part i forgot.....something 'big', let me guess....nothing, and you blacked out. Woke up and find yourself somewhere......the very place that you blacked out, hohoho your void deck......now you found yourself the perfect labmonkey.

A very happy ending to a 'long' chase i guess..........how unexciting........ i really thought there would have been more to it, guess i was wrong.

Its over.... Time for season 2...

ZIQI Shippuden!

arghhhh1!!...... can't stand it anymore... my eys are red and sore again... it was sore on tures day and wed, which kind of limited the of study i could do, as i try to rest my eyes more....then the last two days were ok...but i think it was partially there...now its back again....fucked up !......i'm to delve into self-pity in this very very crucial moment...haha one more week, and i have so much to cover, and i wonder if god is trying to help me or not......maybe he is giving me sore eyes, so that i'll have less time to study, and that i'll feel a greater urgency....paired with a pulled muscle or ligament or something near my left ankle so i can't walk or go anywhere but stuck at home to study.......

haha guess what....i'm actually typing with the monitor closed....to pspare my eyes from the pain of staring at the monitor...so neither will i turn on the screen later to check the speeling errors ... 1 more week and i'm supoosed to die a sitting duck...nvm i think i'll at least cover some dynamics and electricity...and hope fully finish the whole of physics by tmr....

it was so weird, i went with my grandmother to the supoer market just now...wow....... in there, its like the guys are being outnumbered by at least 10 to 1....seriously......and there is really great comfort in knowing that, it not just a place full of lao auntie.....but there are many young ppl as well.....i actually do go to the supermarket quite alot, most of the tiems in the evening.(not because i'm a responsible reliable child that my parents depend on...i'm not that filial or neither do i spare a thought for them.......its because i have to grab something to eat with 10$ when my parents are out and have not cooked, and i want to save as much money as possible by not eating in food courts or whatever...its like shopping malls serve the same old food fare in terms of foodcourt and fastfood...not like i want to eat the same old stuff everyweekend when my parents go club in some 'NEW GEN club' for the retired...i always get sausages or some meat or some cheese eggs and sauses to cook....this walking into supermarket, and buying stuff to cook actually gives me that sense of superiority, DIY, how the punks like to put it....cook yourself, its PUNKROCK!).....

i think its the first time out of 5 years? i went like at noon where there are hordes of ppl........ok let me report on my findings..lol...there was this demure librarian looking china girl......then there was this post-bohemian sort of look girl.really pretty...with her friend.......and then there was this chick wearing some ultra mini hotpants......mmmmmm.....hot.. saying something like "i was thinking spinach.."...lol........better thing is....they don't visit supermarkets with their boyfriends......of course there were tons of ah lians too.....and i don't know whats wrong with some ah lians nowadays....they like wearing extreamly big words and phrases on their tops....i think they're reallyjust trying to the tell the world that they are more than just plain 'bimbotic' lians...that they do have some brains up there, that they do have their strong opinions, that they do have worldy views....i wonder ......are they itelluectuals? i'm not saying that they're not, i'm not looking down on them...but if they're wearing something like, iPAP ROCKS...maybe i'll really think ...or STOP GLOBAL WARMING...OR or REUSE REDUCE RECYCLE....haha....maybe i would really be led to believe they are ppl with great big revolutionary ideas....but nope......like goth chicks...its..i probably its just the image thing.....they are wearing words like... I KNOW I"M HOT...or I (HEART) NY....(you love new york for what?.)......yeah i saw this lian in the super market wearing I(heart) NY......oh well....PARADOX........

i 'turn back on my monitor'.....

ah okay....my grandmother was going berserk in the supermarket....from the start, i asked..."xu bu xu yao na na ge che? wo na na ge lan zi ah?"....(translation: do i need don't need get that car? i take that basket ah?")......she say "mai yi dian dian er yi"(buy a bit)...........then we went around buying chicken, soy sause...blah blah.....imagine going shopping with a girl.....they want to grab everything....she said "jin wan yao zhu se me?"(tonight want cook what?)...then she bought lots of spinach.......some pears....my basket was filled to the brim already....i said "jin wan zi you san ge ren chi"(tonight only 3 ppl eating)....then she went to the fruit juice section.....then she chose the marigold mixed fruit yoghurt drink.....she said "ni zi ji ye mai ge guo zi lai he"(go buy some juice)...i thought she wanted to drink more...so i chose something for her... she said"ni xi huan mang guo zi ah" (you like mango juice?)........"wo sui bian, ni yao ma........wo bu yao he de" (anything, you wanted, i don't want any)....she said "ni xuan ni yao de..."(you choose what you want)...i say "ah...wo bu yao bu yao...bu xiang he...."(i don't want. don't feel like..) so i put it back...but then she kept forcing me to get one...ah...so i just bought mango juice, not that i have any favourites, its a sweet tropical fruit i guess..

TIME TO STUDY

unsatisfied.......hmmmmm.......can't realyl express how i'm feeling right now.....i wonder how i got to feel like that....i guess, its this recurring thought that keepbounces back and forth in my head, which has just gotten worst today......the past week, the thought of the As coming closer and closer, and the need to wield some control over my fate in the exam keeps thumping harder and harder with each passing day...

do you think i can make it? do i think i can make it?....the so called 'mock battles' are all over.....all the 'mock battles' that i bothered but never had the will to work and try....the a lvls is a one shot one kill thing......i cannot be sure of the grades that i will get....only because i'm really aiming very high for it.....more like aiming for the best......if i follow religiously to my 'schedule' i should have 4 full days to concentrate on my economics.....4 full days to start over 2 years worth of stuff......i'm was quite motivated when i saw my econs grades for the prelims....i think i was 79percentile, a D.......i was lucky.....but this paper, i tried and did most of the questions, even when half the time i not sure of the answers that i have to give....i've only get Us for econ......it means there is still hope.... argh......if only i did like shit for midyears, i could have retained and that would have changed my fate entirely.......

but now, i have 2 weeks to change my destiny.....2 weeks to decide whether i'll continue to stay with my parents till past 30......take all the shit in now, or take the endless amt of shit in future, its only a small sacrifice...... I HAVE TO PRESS ON......


i was rolling about in bed last night, because i think i got some stuff figured out...it was so clear yesterday...but now that picture has fussed out.....

it took a little inspiration before the idea actually came into my head...i was thinking of two things...first, i was recollecting the times me, jiahao, junhui and daniel were having 'fight club'....i was always taking the hits.....when i tried to dodge, i'm stil being hit.....then i was thinking of the time crisis game i had the other day.......i was trying to dodge the bullets and still....i was hit.......
the two images linked, and i realised,

i was always the one taking the hits

not the one giving the hits..............have i realised how deep the rabbit hole goes?....i wonder if i've figured it all out and reach the ends of how it works.......do i know what to expect now?..i guess if you had such power and control, then i wouldn't be the only victim..from what i've heard.....its not turned off now and then, but its turned on all the time...i know a way out of this..........this is part one of the scheme, well, be the lure, pretend to be the prey, let the victims think they're acting and moving on their own accord, but well really you're the one pulling the strings..thru insinuation or whatever.....

it may even be something thats pulled off unconsciously simply because you've pick it up unconsciously and manage to pull it off so many times without knowing it....

but one thing i gotta constantly remind myself........stop being self-conscious about the insecurities.......and the only thing i'm insecure about is insecurity itself.......attention away from myself.....until i curb my weaknesses, i'll never live.......then i can wield power...


well, i know things should be quite stagnent for now, which is a good thing...until i can put my heart and soul to it, my heart and soul now goes to my studies..... my waves will not be stirred for the timebeing....

make love make love to my books........make it vulgar if its necessary.....

What's wrong with fridays man......it used to be like puddles gathering rain, sad, at least it was dramatic......now its like stagnent puddles of water....so unexciting its sad...

today was the official last day of school for the j2s......how i felt about it?.....it felt like all the other last days.....its so pale in comparison to the expectations of most.......i rmb in pri school and in secondary school, it was just like that....the last days were the most boring....everyone wants to be moved.....but not...

farewell assembly sucked big time....i remember feeling so emotional last year during the seniors farewell assembly, so much more than the mood ppl had today....i guess the teachers loved the dragon batch more...they had put up so many performances for them, and there were no speeches....every single j1, our batch, had to pay $1 to supply the j2s with mass balloons........
this year, ours was marked with long speeches...and just some songs sang by some teachers.....we want drama, we want to break down in tears......not hear what you have to say...lol.....i know i'm really insensitive to sound like that...but...you know what i mean....was it necessary for the principal to go up and talk about everything thats irrelevant???....your batch are guinea pigs, you belong to the top 20%, you are not unimportant, great because you first batch to take the new syllabus......oh man.......why do i have to listen to this crap.......i kind of forgot what the other speeches were all about...i guess they tried....and if i were in their shoes...i guess i wouldn't have done it in anyway else, because our batch was really not unique...not special....the only thing about our batch were we are guinea pigs....we take new syllabuses during pri school and secondary school...why?......the snake year comprises of the smallest number of babies thats why...if anything goes wrong...you'll be sure that the number of casualties are low...

was a little pissed off with myself as well....something didn't turn out as i was intending it to be...even though, i curbed some of my recurrent nerves.....not exactly self-conscious either..was trying and was mildly successful in diverting attention away from myself....however, it didnt' proceed the way i wanted....i was being led instead of in the driver's seat, which is bad...........i guess i'll yet to be the person to be by the wheel...its really hard....trying to grab the wheel away from an experienced driver is hard.....and even harder when their presence has an effect which completely rewires your brain, deny the ability to think on my feet, and at the same time, increase my heart beat........................haha...really i don't really care as much now.....i know my chances are thin......i'm just not that smooth yet......

anyway, the outing with the class at vivo...was serene i guess...nothing much happened....

this is the thing with my class...which i guess is quite ideal in some aspects.......its a totally ununited class.........which is good sometimes.....there is no pressure to not be yourself, you can express yourself freely, without the fear of being judged, because you really don't care how the others judge you...at the end you speak for yourself... no pressure to make choices againsts someone's elses, because in an ununited class, there is an unspoken agreement, that everyone is on his/her own.....there is no pressure to have to feel happy, or sad, when the majority is feeling happy or sad....the class can have ppl feeling sad, and happy, and emo, and bored, can't be bothered, vulgar, nice, innocent, oversensitive...all at the same time.. without the fear of being outlawed by the class, cause there are no strong cliques.... its like a democracy.......
UNITY IN DIVERSITY........different personalities, different backgrounds, different upbringings...after 2 years, everyone are still like foreigners in each others eyes...we can happy if "we appreciate this foreigness as an adventure and recognise that we have traded the luxury of being understood for that of being permanently interested.."(some lifting from some guy in the newspaper)..........basically, everyone is free, liberty.....no unity...

unlike a united class which is favoured just as well...which sometimes can be really hard to distinguish whats real from whats fake....i've seen one or two classes which are quite united, and i really admire them.........the relationships that they've manage to form.....however all these is much more than mere chemistry......it requires effort, everyone to be open and accept to share with one another...its a lot like communism......if its successful, the favourable aspects stand out, such as being happy when sharing posessions with one another, and working together to earn something which no one can posess..to be selfless...........however, one can hardly be selfless....and in communist states, there is repression...in a 'united' class.....there may be just too much glue....sometimes, ppl may want to be left alone, when they're down... but yet they cannot seperate themselves from the group due to peer pressure perhaps...the pressure to feel happy, when everyone is happy, or sad when everyone is sad...you cannot flaunt your individuality or personality as a slight difference would only increase your chances of being ostracised(?).....you end up having to behave like a herd of samebodies......being identified as a group, rather than as individuals...

06s23....during the pae.....was generally a 'democratic' state......it ran a risk of become communist.....the girls...the girls think its so important to have that 'unity' in a class, to the point of having to sacrifice 'real' for hypocrisy...during pae, i really really felt this from the beggining, every single guy in the class was different, had different beliefs, had different kinds of friends..these are my first impressions of you guys...Andrew was the ultra guai, religious boy who goes to church every week, because of his strong faith, he had that righteous decent aura...he and esther keep giving these weird thumbs up signs, forgot what they said along with it...Daniel, the big, friendly, quite intimidating because of his size guy from newtown..big gangster school, weird because he expressed himself in eddie koh's gp lessons...someone from newtown....lol...exception...Hanrui, was the smart guy.....o lvl prelims already got 9 or 11 pts or something....hardworking because he does all the first 3 months homework...but he also could chill and swing in the right frequency when hanging out......Johann, tough guy, cool arrogance, aura of paikia, no one dares to offend him, initially, was like have to be diplomatic when talking.....or he may punch you in the face.....Jiahao, the happy go lucky kind, because of his size, he is not treated with much respect..also always crapping along with us...Junhui, the only guy that speaks chinese....and also always hang out with his swiss cottage friend that has went to poly,(sweechiow???forgot his name..lol)....than there was Yixian, quite gay guy, from my secondary school and class, which i seldom talk to.....different ppl from different schools, hung out with different company after school also...initially it was like, ok lets all keep a distance from each other outside of the classroom............and our relationship with the girls from the start was not that good already.....we were divided by along gender lines......but the guys...i think we were all cool and strong personalities....we were all honest with each other....we are cool with one another, but we don't like each other so much that we want to be in the same class..lol...we were wishing that we could split and thrown into different classes away from the girls...........but girls being girls...like to craft this unity thing......they went to appeal to stick together as a class having this false implanted-by-force belief that we are united........the guys were damn pissed initally, don't know about the rest, but i was damn pissed..lol...

when s17 joined our class to form s23, its even weirder....its like opposite ends of the universe being brought together..LOL, pae s16 already had such great differences, now when s17 join, it was like having to cultivate racial harmony or something, i think there was a tension that existed.....for the whole year....even this year, the guys of s16 and s17 wasn't that close........i think handball actually bonded the guys a little....and weird, the last few months, the guys coexisted happily...it was only recently that we became close now that i've thought about it......the guys of s17 and s16 never sat together during recess and during class until recently...also s17 robbed andrew from us....lol.....i think andrew couldn't stand the vices that the s16 guys constantly indulge in, our behaviour..... today, as we got along, we learnt to tone down our differences and brought out our similarities........

today, the class outing.......i'm not sure if i should be happy or not....part of me misses these times, such awkward moments...these different ppl.....i sincerely relish the fact that we always do not agree with each other all the time...the guys constantly making a choice against the girls...the girls have their many disagreements amongst themselves...all the silent enemies...the guys always having different perceptions...talking to any guy in the class, is an unique experience on its own entirely......the other part of me feels as if i've had enough of jc life....this jc life, was interesting enough....this jc life i've had to put up with most of the time.....a school life that i seriously didn't really enjoy......a boring life most of the time...j1 was really boring...but the things you hate, were also the things you enjoyed....project work, obs, hockey,orientation, peforming during j1, and during j2, it was really the relationships that i had with all these ppl that defined it....to me, jc ended as soon as it begun...and begin only as it was about to end.............i guess i just got too comfortable.....thats why there are these great emotional attachments...

i'm glad i'm leaving all these behind......i really want to do well for my A lvls, i don't know about everyone else, but i saw life beyond my A lvls....the A lvls was never the goal....

anyway, my enlistment is on 10 jan....i'm excited to enter the army.......i have such great expectations....but i think i'll be let down in the end....the next 2 years will also pass quickly...

sorry if i've offended anybody......good night..

well, i only recently realised what was being flashed right at my face....sadly, for me, i'm guessing the void right here is still void... yet things now are, not 'on her own'.....

emotions are like defects in the human psyche.......its unavoidable, but never make decisions, never allow yourselves to be overwhelmed by emotions, self-conciousness..... wonder how different it would be if i was smarter, less self-conscious, more control over my ever-yapping mouth, more control over emotions, more control over all the external factors......one cannot blame the external factors, because one is also responsible for allowing it to happen........i cannot blame my friends for the outcome of things, because i partook in the constitution of my own doom.(excuse me for the flowery...it gives me relief when i feel i can express myself with some words, whenever i feel i cannot....its like, 'more than words'....)

"What is necessary for the rise of evil is for good men to do nothing." some quote from some historian about hitler....


my ever-yapping mouth.......this i have to put a stop to........this need to just pour everything out of my head...like what i'm doing now on this blog...this blog actually goes against my principles of my newly restablished principles of keeping things to myself....now that i think of it, life was much much better at a point back in time when i kept everything to myself....

that point of time was not that back long ago, (or rather, it was the whole time before this point that i was always keeping stuff to myself) it was only 2 years back....when i still kept things personal.....wanna see the constant clouds that i lay around myself to shroud myself in mystery?
if you clicked all the way back to feb 2005 archives.......i guess it was when i first started blogging, it was when i first opened up a little....but even from that point on, my blog was never meant for any eyes, except for people who do not know me, strangers...i never told anybody about this URL, i wonder how ppl first stumbled upon it......i guess its because the url is also my username, 'bestfatz'...sigh....back in 2005, i was crazy about this girl as well, and when someone happened to stumble upon my private domain, a few ppl came to read my entries......one said i was sincere....which i took pride in until now.....also i wondered how my friends in jc, my classmates got this url in the first place....daniel said it was possible to search thru google...but i don't think google bought blogger over last year...not sure...i guessed they simply type in 'bestfatz'.............but still i wanted to keep it private, to lock it up, but the whole point of blogging was to connect to the world, to express yourself amongst the heavy traffic of the internet....so i didn't.....that feeling of wanting someone that is a total stranger who accidentally stumbles in to understand everything that you're going thru....(today, i know i should never expect or hope to find anybody that understands you)

i guess it all started when i started confiding in ppl, it made me trust ppl more easily without actually having a good reason to....trust someone merely because ppl listen?......its not that these ppl have bad intentions, its just that 'accidents', always, happen......and then everybody knows....what consequences?so what if ppl know? the consequences are dire....its always a small malfunction, small miscalculation, that leads to the entire destruction of say, a rocket ship, a rollercoaster, a ferris wheel even......investigators would always trace it back to a small loose screw, or a little piece of rock or fine dust particle that happens to get in the way.......its never over-cautious to be over-cautious.....

but i guess i'll be more careful now..... this blog will still be transparent......at least for now...


this blog also contradicts with something else.....because i'm constantly talking about myself(like everything thats above), placing myself in the centre of the universe, i wonder if it makes me more narcissistic, more self-absorbed and inevitably more self-conscious.....all these would make me less sensitive to the ppl around me and to the surroundings......ppl hate you when you go on and on about yourself..(though i do talk about society sometimes)....i've realise this...but blogging also happens to be like a drug, maybe i shouldn't be excused for using it to reassure myself and to stroke my own vanity....

maybe i should redirect this blog into a sort of place for self-discovery and meditation sort of thing....i do not have any guidelines though.....maybe when i do really start changing as a person, to be less selfish, less self-absorbed, will this blog, a mirror, a reflection, a shadow of the person that i am will also change....

now i'm wondering about something else, for the thirdtime....i wonder why am i going on and on about myself again....was supposed to be talking about that mere distraction in my head....but all these stuff i mentioned above connects...until i can learn to be less narcisstic and learn to love others more before i deserve any love.....


then then then again.....i should be studying!...instead of debating left and right, after which none of it actually matters....this blog is a curse!....... SSSSSSTTTTTOOOOOPPPP!

"DOn't leave me high.......DOn't leave me Dry......"

over dinner, adults were talking about the release of cpf funds at a later age, and about death and it being imminent.....and also talking about youth....... ..

wonder, how long before i experience midlife crisis...

last night, i met up with chung and ships in town...we agreed to go and check out chung's bro gig at a cafe/bar? at SMU....The place was called Frusch? i think....anyway, there were lots of ppl, and the atmosphere was quite good i guess....lots of eye candy as well....the food was alright i guess, very humble...its supposed to be like the Sanctuary in Pj, some sort of place for relaxation for the students in SMU....(i think non-students were not allowed in usually, but either this was a event,i'm not sure, or its open to friends of the students i guess, or they were not strict about it....but you needed to tap some card here and there to open glass doors, stairways and the cafe itself..).......anyway, the place was dimly-lit, like a bar or club, you can order food, alcohol, play PS3, xbox360, pool, air hockey, lots of couches, and a live set for performances... the bands that played were like any other local bands.....heard 3 bands....they played covers only of course...but i don't think you can hear original songs anywhere else either, since audiences don't give a shit bout local music..more mainstream music was played, like oasis, maroon 5, snow patrol, matchbox twenty, redhotchilipeppers and stuff.....appealing to everyone...its entrancing enough...

me and chung got ourselves the 'best' sandwich that they served......it was better than chicken mayo in pj, simply with more value-added..like the way it was toasted,better quality white bread or foccacia bread, more expensive lettuce, tinge of raspberry sauce...served with ruffles potato chips...for price of $4.......'Good News Cafe' is overcharging.........

anyway, all i wanna say is....i gotta get myself a piece of university life!....life without university is not a good life......its like what i expected of jc....in the end its nothing much, and really boring, but still, i've got to taste it to know.....so i have more reasons to do well for my a lvls now....i really really really gotta......ROARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR........................i wish i had a potion to drive me to study non-stop like a machine......

now i gotta go have dinner with my family and relatives...sigh....should i bring some notes to read and piss ppl off????.....

I'm just going to continue writing this story, for the sake of writing...and i couldn't get the feel that i had when i first wrote the story below, so now i guess the mood will sound entirely different, but it will be more interesting(for me, for you, you probably won't read.) since it has a different perspective...

So now, the sun is setting due to the long time the clown took to contemplate whether he should approach the boy. The tone of the sky and everything below has becomed orange. As the sky drops beyond the horizon, it will turn dark blue and soon stars will fill up the sky. The clown pulled up his sleeves to reveal a number of watches around his hands(this is becoming like alice in wonderland), but he couldn't see the hands on the watch. By now, the fucked up children had all disappeared. He heard a voice sounding behind him. "The time is.........its too late...too late to make things right....." The warm colours of the make-up and costume that the clown worn had faded due to the lack of lighting around them. He took some water from his bottle and wiped his face off his make-up, revealing a melancholic frown that he had worn on his face for the past few months, despite the wide painted grin on his face by day.

"Why do you wear a mask?" Timmy asked.

"Everyone wears a mask." The clown barked then took out his harmonica and blew a melancholic melody. (Wish you were here - Pink Floyd)
"So, so you think you can tell, heaven from hell. Blue skies from rain. Can you tell the green fields from a cold steel rail? A smile from a veil? Do you think you can tell?" The clown sang with his awfully hoarse voice...
"everyone has doubts. The mask covers these doubts. Egos are fragile. Never mistake a person's appearance. We often develop a social exterior designed specifically to disguise our weaknesses and lacks."

The clown took off his big curly red afro wig, and off came cascading down below his shoulders, the clown's beautiful long blonde hair. 'A old wrinkled face with such smooth golden hair? what a freak.' Timmy thought to himself.

"i bet i saw that hair in one of pantene's" Timmy claimed. "wrong, its herbal essences, i did the moaning......but my hair wasn't there....." the clown rebutted.

Timmy felt his stomach stir........A flood of mixed feelings, confusion withheld his mind.
Like being struck with confusion ray by Psyduck,

"I think i'm gonna puke...."
--------------------------------
haha, its a mess rite?...stay tuned for more long blonde hair, and not so old and wrinkled face.......

Overslept.
The number of canteen stalls that were open today.
The lack of choices of food in the school, doesn't matter if all the canteen stalls were open.
Had Lor Mee for lunch, there was too little.
Went home for dinner, the food was boring.
Shaving. I hate shaving, i always get razor burns....its so irritating...now you know why i always don't shave...
Very tired right now, have to rest. I wish i had the energy to study.

Good Night.