Thoughts of a 'Man'

shit happens to make you feel like shit...7 more weeks to promos......time to throw life away....bury myself in.....

this entry will not make any sense, because i am just typing out whatever that comes into my head, and thinking it thru....

Some ppl just don't make any sense...their minds are haywire.....could be the way their brought up, the surroundings they've been around in....why are these ppl so weird and make such stupid theories in their heads....its something obvious...its someething they know...but they just doubt themselves so much...maturity is not about how old you are, its about observing and then understanding things....some ppl never get it.......... then again, you may understand something well, but know nothing at at all of some other aspect....i am not some self centered person, i do see the good in ppl that i'm missing out myself...

blah blah blah...sian.....the whole world is crushing down on me....hah....problems aren't problems when you don't view them as problems.... call this an optimistic view from a pessismistic person like me?....nono, its the emphasis on giving up man....just give up, and things will happen the way you want them.....if things do not happen the way you want them to, it means you have not given up...because if you've given up, you wouldn't want anything to happen your way...

take studying for example.....if you have given up on wanting to have fun or slack, you'll be able to go thru all the suffering which is to study ultra long super hours...letting all this pain and suffering of studying get to you and feeling like its nothing wrong...means you've given up.....

lazy to try an explain my views....understanding only comes when you formulate these yourself....

just want to write a little...haven't been blogging.....today like every other existing day...i haven't been studying much...so i gonna start studying after i finish typing this entry and study till 11pm before i go to sleep...been sleeping late like at 1 am for the past 3 days....quite getting use to it..i'm not really tired....but i cannot continue like this even though i feel nothing....my body will probably give way one day without me realising it or some how my can't be bothered, tired looking face will look even much more tired and wrinkled..... ):-(

i just got notice on more things to do for scouts....omg......sian...

went through another hard day of school.....i go thru school everyday...not sure if i really learn anything...it feels so lethargic.....so sick...so sleepy every lesson......and hungry at the same time even if i had just something to eat...and the food, omg......can't stand the food....its like gulping trash just to satiate that hunger, but none of it feels good...ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh........................i played soccer after pe today.....had netball during pe.....i think its really stupid....its quite a stupid sport....sorry for hating it...and very sissy....the soccer match today was really really anti climax.....<----the title for this entry....but the passes today were nice....our team just kept passing here and there, but none of us, esp me are those types that chiong in and shoot...so we did a lot of nice passes and many near the goal, but just no one to shoot it in...until gabe join our team, and started getting the ball in...wah nice....the other team scored goals too, but their goals are like dribble dribble dribble...we can't be bothered to tackle because we have that mentality that he cannot score.....but in the end score....

shall update a little on the recent bands that i have watched...wow....the local band scene is 'efferverscening'...lol.....its setting the level for local bands, and this would cause bands to get better and better as bands realise each other.....as local music would just get better and better...when each band will want to create better stuff as more and more bands emerge.....can't wait when our band ever breaks into the scene, we are still under preparation, from my perspective, kind of not ready to join any competition or play a gig to public or anything......we are not ready from my point of view, and won't go in for the experience or anything like that......wanna go in enthusiastic at the same time ready to bomb...we wanna join and win tons of $$$$ if its a competition...and soely for $$$ if its a competition.....so must wait like a yr?...experience, we'll just get from school performances like always.....we are improving, but we don't jam that often......there is no point jamming non stop esp when some of our skills either needs to get better, or some polishing...and also get started we writing stuff.....for now, we've got great equipment, great dreams and a great studio to make all this happen....

rmb ppl, no matter at whatever you do.....its not all about working hard...working hard is just a really small part..i guess...its more of 'understanding' what you're doing....(can't express this).....even if it means you have to sit under the bodhi tree..........once you understand, you'll achieve even if you work just enough....

note: don't read on......................just some boring points i'm writing down to rmb...

oh yah the baybeats concert was something really refreshing for me...i only went for the third day and for the last few hours towards the end.....but it was great, band after band back to back....and the ronin concert in school, it wasn't till yesterday that i realise they were going to come yesterday to play....i think their songs are alright....quite simple in the sense of the sound....i guess they are more focused on appealing to audiences for now.....nothing wrong with that....and the semi moshing during the concert was quite fun.....but it was more of having fun by doing something stupid than actually being high and wild....just can't help it i guess...

and electrico were good too at baybeats.....electrico songs from the new album hip city is not bad....their songs have lots of detail, more than the previous album....i bought it....first cd i bought with money..haha....always had what i wanted to hear.....and probably to support the local band scene now, before it dies and end up regretting it......i hate it that the organisers of these music festivals are doing this for money and setting up the industry....but i have to do it if not there'll be no money to have any of these anymore.....

sigh...its 11 now...how am i going to study?????????????????????? i'll read a bit for half and hour......................................

damn...it could have been the best ever....but again, for the fifth time ever......its not going to go well.....the the out of these 3, it was the worse today....the other 2 were only my mic problem and the bass pedal of the drums chain came off......blah blah....

today, serchung's mic to the amplifier was spoilt....luckily, evan saved us a little.....by turning up the volume, but still ppl missed the 1 min of his skills. 2nd, blardy jan's fingers or hand or arm, kept cramming!!! F***, his bass solo we worked so hard on, he couldn't even play it!! ahhh and 3rd......bass pedal came OFF........luckily, murani fixed on a double pedal....he had to move, using his right leg on the left pedal, and crossing his hand, over his legs to play the snare......we missed many beats........and well,it is obvious we lost the competition....sian.....we were the only ones with no sound check....

anyway, we improved a lot in terms of confidence and showmanship...not sure if ppl were really crazy, but they seemed very crazy....something weird today too, i just feel so grateful to the ppl around me today...

so i shall thank the list of ppl that played a part in making today a good day overall, even if luck wasn't on our side....i go according to 'occurance'.......firstly, i want to thank my sister's new salon, who helped me cut some nice hairs, thank you to the hair stylist of course, kelly or something........next thanks serchung's parents, they are really kind and generous, and you can feel the warmth all the time, when i'm in his house.......thanks for fetching us to school also, and saving us the trouble to carry the load around.......next thanks to mike for putting up with our music in the studio........last year he recommended us to go to sg expo or something....and he kept giving us discounts wherenever we played at his studio....not sure if he opened the studio even when he has no work, just to let us jam.....thank him, for also giving us the best room in his studio from the last few(5 sessions?) sessions onwards......it has a tube amp, and better bass and guitar amps....haha...he even has kittens in another room...and for trustin us with his studio..wahaha....we'll definitely ask him to be our soundman in future, but we have no $$$ for now......i would also like to thank the arts soc ppl for organising this, and mr sas(who we thought was quite villainous before) for being quite helpful....they brought such good music today.......hmm the ava? their equipment was just what we needed, but they asked us to turn down our amps, which destroyed sc's sound.....so i don't know, but these two groups which i have just mentioned, tolerated with our demands......also would like to thank the bands and soloists that we shared the stage with.....i was really really an honour....esp michelle branch band(evan, the other guy, i forgot the drummer's name, and that really really really powerful singer(termed her plain jane..lol)...).....the red hot chillipeppers ( the pro slapper the, murani the drummer and iksan i think and the starer??.....lol....very good bassist and drummer).....was really happy for them.............and i want to thank, last but not least, the ppl who came down to support us even when they could have spent their time doing their own thing,really appreciate it.....and my classmates for cheering me on.....haha....i wanna thank my fellow band members also.....everything would not have happened without the mutual support....we all agreed we'll give a good show, and even though we didn't really suceed, we know we are at a whole new level now....

ah.........blasting music at myself again.....when i have absolutely nothing to do, i feel really lost....wanted to go play hockey, but i realised i have some deadlines(pw ppt and maybe hols hw) to manage and i'm quite lazy to go down to school....

ah haven't eaten much....can't eat well, coz my mum refuses to cook in the afternoons....and there is absolutely nothing to eat at home...always end up eating lunch late or not eating at all(maybe just snacks to satiate my hunger)................................can't stand my mom, well can't stand my parents...always can't stand them....they whine about everything..ARGHh........

it just so happens that everytime i expect something to happen or have that thought, it happens......................................................................................................

anyway, this sat performance is pissing me off already.......we just can't agree on the song to play....there are many factors to consider...we only have 2 options......and we can't like have a win-win situation....its a catch 22, or rather, heads-tails thing, where you can only have one side, and not a little of both sides.....blah blah blah......

............................................anyway, germany lost.....aiyah..........another blardy let down.....again, its another toss a coin thing......everything that happens in life is totally out of randomness....

typing this now...as i have my sandwich for dinner...italian bmt.....its been a long time since i had pepperoni, salami...whatever the difference...the 'sandwich artist' making my sandwich was very kind...i asked for lots of pickles and olives...she gave me tons...woohoo! i bought a 6 inch thinking i had no appetite after looking at emotional inducing 'sights.'...but after i had my first bite....i realsied i should have gotten 1 foot...

ahhhhhh....finally its the end of mid years...its such a great relief for me....before this i was feeling numb as i always have to everything that happens around me....finally i feel everything is quite nice again.....

anyway, after the physics paper, the last paper for me, i spent the rest of the day with the hockey guys.....playing hockey and all.....tiring myself out feels great...i haven't excercised for a long time....and i got tired really quickly, but it still felt great, throwing all that stress out of my mind.....2-7...of running about......quite tired....i was qorried i might fall sick, for i have not slept well to mug for physics, but luckily i didn't.......

went to watch germany against argentina once i got home and left again to weijun's house....woencheng and junjie came....well....i was behind germany for the past 2 world cups, and i was bored by them not winning, but this year, i still supported them......nice goal during the match...and nice keeping by lehmann....i was quite high when they won....nice nice.....

slept little again.....woke up..left wj house at 1140...went to serchung's house supposedly to create some effects and syncronisation for our coming performance...but well.....we didnt really play......chungs's bro got back from camp, and we went to watch superman......well, i was great....its a nice movie, but i can't really explain why is it nice...the movie just make you feel how noble superman is almost through out the show...it has little action, since superman is invincible...he is god mode, he has all powers....even when cyclops was in the show, even if he did use his optic blast...superman just would finish him in one second(not exaggerating...his powers are exaggeratingly overwhelming.) as any good film would..i left the cinema with a strong impression.......not forgetting that the intro to the movie was great, they should make it 3d, and provide 3d glasses.....watch it and you'll know why.....my mind was swaying along a little to the effect that the images flashed had on me.....also....the movie made me curious about superman's planet....'graveyard', he compares it to.....wow...wonder what he saw...

anyway, after the movie...i wandered my way around alone, as i didn't feel like going home.....but i eventually boarded the train.....on the train i was thinking about some particular person...got off at boon lay at about 1840 .....anyway, i went into jp and bought my dinner, subway again....singaopre idol was suppose to be here.....ppl are waiting...but they haven't got out..

don't wanna address this initially, but this is a blog and i'm keeping it as a dairy anyway...and nobody reads my shit...ok...now, all the people that i have the least tiny wee bit of feeling for, has a boyfriend, the relationships they have are built on concrete...lol.........................at least i wont have to even have a chance to feel like shit again....

this gives me the reason to concentrate on....what?!..... studies? music?having fun?.........my mum was helping me with chinese the other day.....shes somewhat of a self taught speed reader....what a superpower...makes me feel so much hopeless....i'm good in nothing that i do...............................................................

the next week, i will be doing what i enjoy......the preparation for the moment is as great as the moment itself...well, its my 5th time preparing together with the likeminded ppl......wish everything turns out great that day....(8th of this month).......

i'm signing out, i'm getting bored.....