Thoughts of a 'Man'

humbled..

i cant blog about ns...because its a crime, and i'll be chucked into DB......but well....there are tons of ppl blogging about their experiences online.....try the search engine.....

anyway, wasn't expecting to meet so many interesting ppl...........there were so many different personalities, that was short of in pj........even though we all looked the same......i guess its because, there is no longer the avenue of judging ppl from their appearances....its easy to fall into the illusion that we all think alike since we are being stripped of our 'personalities'......

ah.....anyway, have always found it hard to blog about the exact events that took place every day to day, so i won't start now....thoughts and feelings are the priority.........

kept feeling i was becoming dumber and dumber.....i can't recall words or phrases, title of songs movies games...even the topics that i've studied for a lvl.......sometimes i worry that i'll lose the trove that i've gathered over the years.......the knowledge in my head i mean.......there is either no time to think about life......or i'm too tired......well, i guess i'll just have to place ns in my agenda, accept it as part of my life.....these way creating problems that my mind can work to solve.....for example....i don't really give a shit if the bunk is clean or not.....even if i were to be punished or confined, when the intention of the superiors is for me to take 'soldiering' seriously by inculcating fear into our hearts, i will not be fearful.....i will not lower myself to the point that i have to treat seriously keeping every point of space that i own to be free of dust.......well, if i have to....i think hypocrisy is a useful tool.....i'll pretend to be fearful...................(last few lines were merely an example)

hypocrisy...........in life, we are often the person that the world wants us to be......the evolution of one's personality merely the adaptation to the world's demands, except not that our personalities change for the better to adapt, but change to hide our flaws....(as mentioned before).........who we are deep inside, is a different story.........no ah lian is the same...there are nice ah lians and stuck up ones............................................nuff..........continue any further and it'll become a supermassive black hole...

anyway, i've found educational opportunities in ns, just as in everything that i do....so i guess, i will not abandon life in anyway, will not become antisocial following the next 2 years........

the game has just begun........

nothing much is going on...

feeling so helpless right now....my modem has failed on me.....was going to play games with friends....but.., the modem spoilt.....still haven't bought my ns stuff...and things like spectacles which takes a few days....i may not have time to collect..since i'm entering this thursday.
finally it has boiled down to this....nothing really matters.........but these emotions which are just so hard to get rid off...i've got nothing interesting to say these days either....past few posts have been pure crap..

arghhhhhhh.........no matter how much you try to pretend....we are all lonely ppl...slaves to all the ppl around us....social ecology?....dependent on them to feel alive......doesn't matter if we're the characters in 'I am Legend' or 'Castaway'......i may be meeting friends every single day for the past month(...literally.....)......but lonliness is still your best friend.....finding a girlfriend will not change things either.....the 'chase', 'sparks', 'passion'....even if you knew how to make it last, will not last.......soon it gets too old, and will be swayed to find the next 'ideal'.......

it is definitely easy to fall in love, it is our biggest weakness...why?...because lonliness is our bestfriend...well, more like the person you hate so much but sticks to you like glue.....to escape lonliness momentarily, fall in love....but still you can't escape glue la..........if everyone constantly reciprocates our love, and pay more attention to others than to oneself..........will we defeat it?.....maybe we'll just want even more...and as stated above, more and more, till the person has nothing else to offer and they break up........


i wish i had the answers to everything........(maybe this is just an emotional response)....

why don't i just get her when i seem to know the answer why?.....

arghhhhh....we are all entangled, yet seperate.....exist in one world, yet it feels plenty more.....

Just as i finally surrendered and decided to go to sleep, tried turning on my modem and it starts working.............

Throw a rock at a pole and you will miss, throw a rock away from the pole and it hits.....(by rock lee)

just aint got time to say much.....practically rushing everywhere, to do this and that, meet up with friends, like i'm going to die in 4 days time..........

well rui got it rite.......i'm a busy man..

1) l-o-v-e
2) To have pleasure, i need to know pleasure....whining about how bored i am each time, will not stop boredom......
3)Personal 'grooming'(every single aspect)
4)Money, Money, Money...................i'm not a materialistic person, but this is a materialistic world......there is nothing i can do without money......money to exchange for simulation(simulcra and simulation)......if my A lvl results sucks.........and can't get into a Cash Cow course.....i just have to retake during NS, or after NS............theres just no solution for getting away from needing money..........society is this retarded........and everything above no. 4 may need money........

having these shallow resolutions in life.......i feel as if my mind's been derailed, but having more options in life................simply.............give me more choices la..........i will not be forced into a corner where i have no choice and regret.............of course, every step of the way, every decision you make will give regret, but the premise of satisfaction, even if it does not exist, is what keeps us going rite?...hope?.........

i will listen to others more, try not so sound smarter than the ppl next to me......be a non-conformist that accepts conformity...anti-social that accepts society....be selfless, but accept selfishness of others.....do not become one of the irritable social ills...........profits come in many forms..... -------> a tree stands in your way, walk round it......a strong gust of wind, wait for it to past.......

6) be a humbled open book of blank pages.......................

now i'm driving myself nuts......thats it for now......

Thank God for finally giving me something that i want.............finally a mountain to climb........

This present, this gift, this toy.....i left it in its box...too afraid?....unprepared to open it........just calming my nerves before i open it......just admiring the edges and ribbons of the box.....cos when i finally open it, i wanna embrace it with ALL my heart....