Thoughts of a 'Man'

something someone make me interesting...i'm so boring...just got a bad rash, and well its making my day a damned hell........................no matter how big my ego or how i try to convince myself,i look like some big retard...i'm projecting such an image...this 'aura' oozes from around me...i'm searching for something which could make me arrogant, which i don't posess.............i'm a small zero that does not fit, all you fake somebodies.......crap, i'm nobody....

look away, or simply just look past me...

how am i ever going to grasp that dream...

the dawn of the new game...i'm a rpg failure though

i don't need understanding, i need help....

'It will be done! My blood shall serve!'.............yes you.....but.. sigh...

i feel so tired and bored, i just felt like typing something in here....oh my, just finished watching the pianist...the show is really great and realistic, and they wouldn't have done it if they made it dramatic....ppl just die suddenly during the movie, and they don't really 'warn' you beforehand...its like....the camera is just smoothly sailing past, then you see ppl dying on the spot....or ppl dying at the background....what i mean is, the movie doesn't draw attention when someone is dying on the scene...which makes it.....and the way ppl die, is a break thru in that is is too realistic.....if you watched 'd-day' a war movie during 60s 70s? when a soldier is shot, they flip and jump and die and make exaggerated sounds.....presently, ppl die less stupidly, but you still see that they bounce back abit, scream in pain...etc....seeing bodies fly....but in this movie, which i think is how ppl actually die when they're shot is that, they just drop dead on the spot, without much of actually 'flicking' themselves a few cm left or right....

went to do jobweek for the first time in my life......well i'm so greatful to all the caucasians.....americans, british, australians....all whites......they're great...they give lots of money..and actually give you jobs...they're courteous and all...aiya....when we offered to paste a sticker....they rather other scouts step by again....makes me want to leave singapore actually...been thinking a lot about this, if i don't get married and have no family in sg, i'll just go to a foreign country...wonder how much warmth i'll feel there....unlike in sg....if i stay in sg...i'll definitely stay in holland v...woah...the houses there are great.....the ppl's homes are not well designed or anything...but you see lots of beautiful furniture and nice cars..and quite often, the number of vespa scooters...with self customized designs....and wow the furniture....the houses there are really like collapsing...but its the most interesting part of sg i've ever been too....knew another side to sg....you have to go see it for yourself...i thought artists were extinct in sg...

i want to play the piano!.....o;aislnodjas,daosdlasdassgd aweawetasg;oktezbt;seglnezs tn szzseh AW:KLnemlsnABG s;alknseg ser rh sdzljnsegnl GANOeoshi

how was that???

i'm so tired...i have so many things to do, things from last week, things left incomplete for months, yrs? and things yet to begin with....its so hard to get on with life, while having orientation for oneweek....and busy with scouts....joining hockey...don't know if i have time for music lessons>?......and of course...a lvls.....

i miss 'love'

everything feels fresh....was rmbering how hard i studied last yr....and well what a great sadistic experience it was..it helped cleared my head....yes the throw-life-away operation was a sucess...well i kind of liked how it felt, and now..its kind of is part of who i am now...i don't really know what i mean either..haha

the song 'little wing' thats playing on my com, sounds so significant now...anyway, its march...and was like yesterday that i was sec 4, let alone the start of 06...all those things that i worried about so much last year, seemed negligible and so insignificant right now...and now life is a 'contant', as in nothing is happening and it feels literally like a straight path....

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