Thoughts of a 'Man'

humbled..

i cant blog about ns...because its a crime, and i'll be chucked into DB......but well....there are tons of ppl blogging about their experiences online.....try the search engine.....

anyway, wasn't expecting to meet so many interesting ppl...........there were so many different personalities, that was short of in pj........even though we all looked the same......i guess its because, there is no longer the avenue of judging ppl from their appearances....its easy to fall into the illusion that we all think alike since we are being stripped of our 'personalities'......

ah.....anyway, have always found it hard to blog about the exact events that took place every day to day, so i won't start now....thoughts and feelings are the priority.........

kept feeling i was becoming dumber and dumber.....i can't recall words or phrases, title of songs movies games...even the topics that i've studied for a lvl.......sometimes i worry that i'll lose the trove that i've gathered over the years.......the knowledge in my head i mean.......there is either no time to think about life......or i'm too tired......well, i guess i'll just have to place ns in my agenda, accept it as part of my life.....these way creating problems that my mind can work to solve.....for example....i don't really give a shit if the bunk is clean or not.....even if i were to be punished or confined, when the intention of the superiors is for me to take 'soldiering' seriously by inculcating fear into our hearts, i will not be fearful.....i will not lower myself to the point that i have to treat seriously keeping every point of space that i own to be free of dust.......well, if i have to....i think hypocrisy is a useful tool.....i'll pretend to be fearful...................(last few lines were merely an example)

hypocrisy...........in life, we are often the person that the world wants us to be......the evolution of one's personality merely the adaptation to the world's demands, except not that our personalities change for the better to adapt, but change to hide our flaws....(as mentioned before).........who we are deep inside, is a different story.........no ah lian is the same...there are nice ah lians and stuck up ones............................................nuff..........continue any further and it'll become a supermassive black hole...

anyway, i've found educational opportunities in ns, just as in everything that i do....so i guess, i will not abandon life in anyway, will not become antisocial following the next 2 years........

the game has just begun........