Thoughts of a 'Man'

Turns out that God didn't make us any different from all the other organisms on this planet... humanity is no better than the animal kingdom....

i'll stop here and spare the evolutionary theory and our imperfections.....

are our daily actions hardwired into our brains? i pose myself the same question everyday.....whether my actions are an act of emotion(in the process to overcome that fear) or an act of fear.............homeostasis...........http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homeostasis

i don't even know why i constantly have this urge to blog.....when i try to avoid it..........it comes down on me forcefully........

simply put............................WE DO NOT HAVE A CHOICE to any part of our actions.............our brain successfully releases the equilibrium amount of hormones that causes the right amount of fear stress and emotional pressure....

i've been up on stage times enough to know how to manage my fear....i don't know why that constant fear is always there, that nervousness....................its the strongest just before you are about to go up.............its more than just insecurities, worries, and the unexplainable stress....its just the mind creating that paralyzing fear that i'll become a fool when all that attention(its weird how we fear attention, but our emotions seeks out attention,homeostasis) is on you...its not like i'm afraid that i'll screw up....we've practised so much, its relegated to muscle memory or whatever......... i went up anyway......and 1 minute into the whole thing......that fear dissolves.........that energy in me up its peak so much that i'm holding it in, from blowing up but still i'm not in control...(its weird....this time to others, to the audience seem insignificant, for those under the pressure, everything happens in bullet time, we noticed every detail thats going on...it seems like its the longest time of our lives..caused probably by andrenaline)....

what made me go up......was my emotions on the other side telling me that i'll would be so disappointed with myself if just sit here and not walk towards my outcome..........emotion is a weapon, it leads us to do all the impossible things that our fear is stopping us from..............its double-edged-sword-like though...

imagine the guy suffering countless sleepless nights, emotional despair....and ultimately proclaiming his love in the most frustrating of fashions to his crush...............

emotion overrode his fear of rejection.....................at the same time, emotion threw a rock at his own face by doing something extremely stupid..........

anyway...i'm bored now.......................i wanted to go on...but my mind has told me its enough and there are other things that simply need my attending to........

our purpose; our choice? in life may simply be to survive and pass on our genes.....i guess its important to consider the purpose(whatever delusions you may have, how noble that purpose may be, i will not dictate what that purpose is, but the entire human race must have that same purpose. afterall we're built the same way rite?) of our lives on this planet and how our brains are controlling our actions to meet that purpose or at worst it shuts itself out into depression and ultimately suicide...

i told some ppl about it verbally, they do not agree with me at the sametime slapping themselves in the face...cos i saw it happen before my eyes the sequence of steps that their mind took at that very same moment.......


-P.S- i have no depth, merely breadth.....the reason why i'm still like this.........why i think think think, blog blog blog....i'm still looking for my answers....my emotions led me into this, i believe emotions will lead me thru this, and finally lead me to overcome my fear......from there i guess my emotions will still be there to lead me thru that unknown........to meet my purpose in life)