Thoughts of a 'Man'

i'm beggining to seriously wonder why my brain processes things at such amazingly slow rates.....i feel absolute guilt in having to take pride in this...the psle, i can accept that i didn't finsih it, maybe because i was a bit slower then others.......through out secondary school.....i did not complete any timed assignment, timed tests, timed quizzes, timed examinations on time before.........its not that i don't remember ever completing a paper, but i...never did.....i just always thought ppl completed it fast but they weren't half as cautious as i am......and that questions were hard and required some form of thinking, so i justified all the time that i took to process stuff as thinking...and when i couldn't finish its because i didn't practise enough.............

but now.....easy cheesy SAT has proven me wrong.....i excused myself for the english parts....i am slow because i don't read that much.....i am slow, because i am not ang moh, and i don't perfect sentence structures and use the right words all the time that i need time to comprehend sometimes..................BUT THE MATHS.............its basically psle maths, with bits of secondary school elementary math...............the things where you look at it, don't think, and just do...........but i think from time to time.......and ididn't complete it either......what good is a brain if it runs like a steam locomotive.............................in this era of high speed high this and that......my old and and feeble 'brian' shall be cast aside.......seriously, its never been a problem to any of you.....i'm the only example i've met in my entire life that thinks this slow......'best at what i do worst'.....................if only if only...........i will be hugely disadvantaged whether in future education or career...........but i hope to bet on the 'fact' that heaven and nature is fair.....that if i'm weak at something, i'm stronger in other things.............................................


OH well.........for the upcoming prom, though i'm not looking forward to it......cos i'm guessing its going to be real boring.......it didn't stop me in revelling in idle daydreaming of dressing in high fashion and stuff......well not exactly high fashion......had some ideas....and this ethereal need of having to proclaim certain cultures or subcultures....and remembered i contradicted what i firmly stand against....thought i wanting to dress this and that, look like this and that.........but it suddenly boiled down to me that......ITS JUST PROM........not even gonna talk about poseuring.....i'm not in france or uk, though i hope i was, in singapore........fashion in singapore is to go with the flow, being prudish, materialism and consumerism....tastes are altered and angled at whats mainstream......maybe i'm envious because i have no money................well, to make sure i don't overdress, or look like sloppy shit......i'm going with formal all over.....with the blazer.....oh...yeah.....Codename 47 was my idol since the demo of hitman 2 and one of the best soundtracks like games such as starcraft or redalert.....well.....i have 2 days and a half including tues to get my stuff...........finally!!!!! a really bad and lame excuse to be donning a suit in tropical singapore.....hope my filthily high paying job in future requires me to wear suits and meet clients..........



everything else in my life that is not superficial.....is currently at standstill.....