Thoughts of a 'Man'

Isn't this merely merely merely a 'dopamine rush'?

Sometimes my really old parents(well all adults do......) go on and on about how much they've been through in life to be able to understand the entirety, triviality, unknown corners of whatever they claim to know.......

they'll say soemthing like " i'm a very good judge of character." or "bu ting lao ren yan, chi kui zai yan qian"...or "i can relate well to what his going through now.."..or even some elevated sixth sense that they believed they've developed through maturity.....and when soemthing they say actually turns out true, it only serves in reinforcing their...............ignorance.................bullshit...

they(adults) think their years of experience give them answers to everything, and they stop to learn even if they make a mistake......what i wanna say is, its this 'uncertainty' in everything...

.....'fog-of-war'......

(from wiki):
The fog of war is a term used to describe the level of ambiguity in situational awareness experienced by participants in military operations
The term "fog of war" has become jargon in military and adventure video and computer games, in the more limited sense of enemy units or characters being hidden from the player.

in turn, i'll sound ignorant as well for doubting their 'years of experience' or pure luck...but as GP students, maturity certainly does not come with age........i would usually pass off their unwanted, unsightful advice.....in my head, music and books will tell what i know....whether art, through the eyes of others, i will actually get the answers i'm seeking, i'll never know either.......

well for me, i'll always always try to listen harder to my mind......cause at least it seeks outs the most realistic perspectives.......oftimes, emotions only gets in the way, it confuses you to no end.........and sometimes i can't tell whether its my heart or my mind leading the way, whether i'm being realistic or completely ridiculous.....you won't know whether you're thinking straight most of the time...cos the heart(emotions) and mind are really just our brain.............we won't know whether our opinions are subjective or objective, whether these opinions are meddled with by our emotions.....(i'm not trying to get any point across here...these are just what i think.)

this guy, Sigmund Freud, well known psychologist....a jew (why are the jews so smart..).....says(my interpretation) that sex is the primary motivation in life, that whatever we do ultimately is to obtain sex...thru money or power........

many people doubt him.............and i have doubts about it too.....but i wonder if he himself had any doubts about it....and if he had no doubts about his own theories, could he be subjective? since this great need in him to convince ppl about his theories may only bring in his moods and emotions into the picture and make him less objective even when he is trying to be as realistic as possible by saying sex and procreation is all there is to life...

and those ppl who doubt him....are they also being subjective.....they would never want to believe something as 'real' as that....no one would want to hear that his purpose in life was to have sex......well, and also because for the ones who aren't getting any sex, they are pathetic and purposeless if it was true........i guess everyone, and maybe God planned it that way that, we would rather accept something as fantastic as "Love makes the world go round"....or "A hungry lover is better than a rich loner.." <---made this one my self..lolol.............well, the idea of love..........whats love...all that jizz up there today leads to this......my thesis statement--->...love is not fragile, cos love may not even exist....

i think my parents got married about 20 plus.......they to each other was the first and only relationship they ever had...yet they try to preach to me about what is love from time to time like they've had many partners in life.....everyone have their own ideas and concepts about love, but when they try to like pile it on you with tonnes and tonnes of their fantastical, 'through rose-tinted glasses' perceptions of love as the absolute...........agitates me a little............hmmmmmmmm.....to think of it now......everytime when someone tries to convince one, by speaking clearly, even by pouring out all the justifiable evidence, even when its true....we will not be convinced until we are to see if for ourselves firsthand......(no wonder i'm so bad in convincing ppl, and ppl only disagree with what i have to say...bad persuasion methods imparted unconciously from my parents....)

anyway,
is love finding 'Neo'?....is love finding your other half?... is love the compatibility of two signs on the astrology charts..?

well, i'll go into my own experience........ if all these that i've felt is love, then love doesn't really exist.....if love exist, then i guess i haven't had the luxury of having found true love yet....

hmm....i guess i don't really wanna say this after all......and in plain view......
the clown story which was left unfinished before the a lvls, when all that action unfolds....i'll be able to camoflage and express my view through it..... all these was actually what the clown story was about in the first place..

until then, its more things left unsaid and unfinished....



on a side note, i just can't shut up.....when something contradictory of whatever someone else perceives to be true happens.....i can't help myself but say 'see, i told you so...'.........sorry to all the silent enemies that i've made.....