Thoughts of a 'Man'

What's wrong with fridays man......it used to be like puddles gathering rain, sad, at least it was dramatic......now its like stagnent puddles of water....so unexciting its sad...

today was the official last day of school for the j2s......how i felt about it?.....it felt like all the other last days.....its so pale in comparison to the expectations of most.......i rmb in pri school and in secondary school, it was just like that....the last days were the most boring....everyone wants to be moved.....but not...

farewell assembly sucked big time....i remember feeling so emotional last year during the seniors farewell assembly, so much more than the mood ppl had today....i guess the teachers loved the dragon batch more...they had put up so many performances for them, and there were no speeches....every single j1, our batch, had to pay $1 to supply the j2s with mass balloons........
this year, ours was marked with long speeches...and just some songs sang by some teachers.....we want drama, we want to break down in tears......not hear what you have to say...lol.....i know i'm really insensitive to sound like that...but...you know what i mean....was it necessary for the principal to go up and talk about everything thats irrelevant???....your batch are guinea pigs, you belong to the top 20%, you are not unimportant, great because you first batch to take the new syllabus......oh man.......why do i have to listen to this crap.......i kind of forgot what the other speeches were all about...i guess they tried....and if i were in their shoes...i guess i wouldn't have done it in anyway else, because our batch was really not unique...not special....the only thing about our batch were we are guinea pigs....we take new syllabuses during pri school and secondary school...why?......the snake year comprises of the smallest number of babies thats why...if anything goes wrong...you'll be sure that the number of casualties are low...

was a little pissed off with myself as well....something didn't turn out as i was intending it to be...even though, i curbed some of my recurrent nerves.....not exactly self-conscious either..was trying and was mildly successful in diverting attention away from myself....however, it didnt' proceed the way i wanted....i was being led instead of in the driver's seat, which is bad...........i guess i'll yet to be the person to be by the wheel...its really hard....trying to grab the wheel away from an experienced driver is hard.....and even harder when their presence has an effect which completely rewires your brain, deny the ability to think on my feet, and at the same time, increase my heart beat........................haha...really i don't really care as much now.....i know my chances are thin......i'm just not that smooth yet......

anyway, the outing with the class at vivo...was serene i guess...nothing much happened....

this is the thing with my class...which i guess is quite ideal in some aspects.......its a totally ununited class.........which is good sometimes.....there is no pressure to not be yourself, you can express yourself freely, without the fear of being judged, because you really don't care how the others judge you...at the end you speak for yourself... no pressure to make choices againsts someone's elses, because in an ununited class, there is an unspoken agreement, that everyone is on his/her own.....there is no pressure to have to feel happy, or sad, when the majority is feeling happy or sad....the class can have ppl feeling sad, and happy, and emo, and bored, can't be bothered, vulgar, nice, innocent, oversensitive...all at the same time.. without the fear of being outlawed by the class, cause there are no strong cliques.... its like a democracy.......
UNITY IN DIVERSITY........different personalities, different backgrounds, different upbringings...after 2 years, everyone are still like foreigners in each others eyes...we can happy if "we appreciate this foreigness as an adventure and recognise that we have traded the luxury of being understood for that of being permanently interested.."(some lifting from some guy in the newspaper)..........basically, everyone is free, liberty.....no unity...

unlike a united class which is favoured just as well...which sometimes can be really hard to distinguish whats real from whats fake....i've seen one or two classes which are quite united, and i really admire them.........the relationships that they've manage to form.....however all these is much more than mere chemistry......it requires effort, everyone to be open and accept to share with one another...its a lot like communism......if its successful, the favourable aspects stand out, such as being happy when sharing posessions with one another, and working together to earn something which no one can posess..to be selfless...........however, one can hardly be selfless....and in communist states, there is repression...in a 'united' class.....there may be just too much glue....sometimes, ppl may want to be left alone, when they're down... but yet they cannot seperate themselves from the group due to peer pressure perhaps...the pressure to feel happy, when everyone is happy, or sad when everyone is sad...you cannot flaunt your individuality or personality as a slight difference would only increase your chances of being ostracised(?).....you end up having to behave like a herd of samebodies......being identified as a group, rather than as individuals...

06s23....during the pae.....was generally a 'democratic' state......it ran a risk of become communist.....the girls...the girls think its so important to have that 'unity' in a class, to the point of having to sacrifice 'real' for hypocrisy...during pae, i really really felt this from the beggining, every single guy in the class was different, had different beliefs, had different kinds of friends..these are my first impressions of you guys...Andrew was the ultra guai, religious boy who goes to church every week, because of his strong faith, he had that righteous decent aura...he and esther keep giving these weird thumbs up signs, forgot what they said along with it...Daniel, the big, friendly, quite intimidating because of his size guy from newtown..big gangster school, weird because he expressed himself in eddie koh's gp lessons...someone from newtown....lol...exception...Hanrui, was the smart guy.....o lvl prelims already got 9 or 11 pts or something....hardworking because he does all the first 3 months homework...but he also could chill and swing in the right frequency when hanging out......Johann, tough guy, cool arrogance, aura of paikia, no one dares to offend him, initially, was like have to be diplomatic when talking.....or he may punch you in the face.....Jiahao, the happy go lucky kind, because of his size, he is not treated with much respect..also always crapping along with us...Junhui, the only guy that speaks chinese....and also always hang out with his swiss cottage friend that has went to poly,(sweechiow???forgot his name..lol)....than there was Yixian, quite gay guy, from my secondary school and class, which i seldom talk to.....different ppl from different schools, hung out with different company after school also...initially it was like, ok lets all keep a distance from each other outside of the classroom............and our relationship with the girls from the start was not that good already.....we were divided by along gender lines......but the guys...i think we were all cool and strong personalities....we were all honest with each other....we are cool with one another, but we don't like each other so much that we want to be in the same class..lol...we were wishing that we could split and thrown into different classes away from the girls...........but girls being girls...like to craft this unity thing......they went to appeal to stick together as a class having this false implanted-by-force belief that we are united........the guys were damn pissed initally, don't know about the rest, but i was damn pissed..lol...

when s17 joined our class to form s23, its even weirder....its like opposite ends of the universe being brought together..LOL, pae s16 already had such great differences, now when s17 join, it was like having to cultivate racial harmony or something, i think there was a tension that existed.....for the whole year....even this year, the guys of s16 and s17 wasn't that close........i think handball actually bonded the guys a little....and weird, the last few months, the guys coexisted happily...it was only recently that we became close now that i've thought about it......the guys of s17 and s16 never sat together during recess and during class until recently...also s17 robbed andrew from us....lol.....i think andrew couldn't stand the vices that the s16 guys constantly indulge in, our behaviour..... today, as we got along, we learnt to tone down our differences and brought out our similarities........

today, the class outing.......i'm not sure if i should be happy or not....part of me misses these times, such awkward moments...these different ppl.....i sincerely relish the fact that we always do not agree with each other all the time...the guys constantly making a choice against the girls...the girls have their many disagreements amongst themselves...all the silent enemies...the guys always having different perceptions...talking to any guy in the class, is an unique experience on its own entirely......the other part of me feels as if i've had enough of jc life....this jc life, was interesting enough....this jc life i've had to put up with most of the time.....a school life that i seriously didn't really enjoy......a boring life most of the time...j1 was really boring...but the things you hate, were also the things you enjoyed....project work, obs, hockey,orientation, peforming during j1, and during j2, it was really the relationships that i had with all these ppl that defined it....to me, jc ended as soon as it begun...and begin only as it was about to end.............i guess i just got too comfortable.....thats why there are these great emotional attachments...

i'm glad i'm leaving all these behind......i really want to do well for my A lvls, i don't know about everyone else, but i saw life beyond my A lvls....the A lvls was never the goal....

anyway, my enlistment is on 10 jan....i'm excited to enter the army.......i have such great expectations....but i think i'll be let down in the end....the next 2 years will also pass quickly...

sorry if i've offended anybody......good night..