Thoughts of a 'Man'

i woken up finally........i know whats wrong.........its time to part with my insecurities... these needs, anxieties, self-conciousness...these negativities........ its time to be generous with the world, treat the world with respect........close up my mind, and open my heart........

now i will only look at myself and the past with disgust........


it happened the last friday night..... i was feeling sorry for myself again....i asked the skies what was wrong with me and my life..........i begged for the answers, i begged for change.....
the next day,
maybe it was the power of a supreme being or something, the God or the voice that i constantly prayed to led me to my answers.....i just couldn't stop thinking and reflecting.....i searched and searched, read and read...........everything that i can lay my hands on...............it felt like i was on my way to discovering something, due to my curiosity, i delved deeper.....and from then on, each and every day leading up to today, i discovered, or should i say, my eyes were finally opened....open to realising the things that were happening around me........for too long i have constricted myself, and shove myself to stubborness.........

no i have not turned religious, or decide to follow a religion....these were more like self-discoveries......i know that i have to should be more self-aware and less self-conscious.....the difference is, awareness is the objective view. consciousness is the subjective view, biased......to be self-aware is to understand how ppl perceive you, to be self conscious is merely to understand how you perceive yourself......even if you're right and the whole world is wrong, it takes more then simply arguing to get what you want...persuasion not argument....

i discovered that my insides were rotten......i am evil, i am hitler......and this rot will be radiated passively to everyone around you......... this means, Daniel's-Hello-Kitty-Loving-Blackie was right about me.(hope this doesn't offend anybody...)..haha..

and all these advices from my friends since years back that i failed to pay any attention to, were actually right..........

hmmm i don't know.....i may have countless epiphanies and revelations.......but the only difference that this is going to make is that i follow through with my actions now.................why was i always so bitter?........bitter about what? the frostmourne?