Thoughts of a 'Man'

study study study....thats all i have to do each and everyday, but thats something i have not been doing for a long long time.............

"tmr BETTER STUDY' this what i tell myself....but i really really genuinly hope to myself that i will study....i just wated one more day today..doing absolutely nothing......just sleep sleep sleep....what a LOUSY way to waste time.......work yields more satisfaction than to be lazy....mr yeo says something along those lines which noone can disagree i guess....( i don't worship him..i despise his attitude)...

Friday, we had this handball competition which i thought was stupid......i did a whole lot of running, but didn't really touched the ball........then i went over to woeny house to begin my first day in our very own study programme....i think me woeny eileen shafiqah and jianwen will be in it......weiyan was over there with jianwen on scout business.........didn't really talk to them much....feeling like a stranger, i just got upstairs to study.....me woeny and eileen was in the room....and we started talking about this holiday retreat plan that we had a week ago and was going to happen in less than 2 weeks........the weekend after the next, we'll be going to the shangri-la resort at sentosa!!!!!......omg............then when eileen jw and wy left......me and woeny started talking about quantum mechanics......all the bizarre theories about light, perception of time..how the black cat in a box is not inside the box...blah blah blah.....felt like a new religion to me......

On saturday.....my most dreadful daze......i don't know if this can be considered a good or bad day...............i went to school for arts day and was 20 mins late for the workshop on film.....i entered and just sat somewhere and watched....after a few minutes, i immediately realised it was SIngapore Gaga......without watching much of it...it was just the impression that i had of it everytime i see the cds on shelves and it happened to be similar.......after the film ended....about less than an hour......The director, Tan Pin Pin... talked to us about it......wow.....must be really dedicated......was going to ask her something...but since i guess i was alone i didn't have the guts......she was more of a quiet person...even though she tried to share as much as she could...she basically films everything about singapore that goes unnoticed............the 4.33min of silence.....it said something like, too often we're too busy and lost in our own thoughts that we lose focus on the sights and sounds that are happening around us, that should be appreciated.........ah........all this while i thought it was good to be thinking about something all the time....one can't stop thinking rite.....

k the rest of arts day sucked...........really boring talenttime performance.......had to sit through it.....then later me serchung and ships hanged around town..............i think it was the talenttime performance that actually ruined my whole day, from that point onwards, all my spirits seemed to have been drained, must have been another 'artistic' experience....from far east plaza, we then went to ngee ann city............at ngee ann city.....i was a complete walking zombie.........for about 2 hours i think we were just going here and there everywhere...there was just no mood for anything........walked parts of the food fare, went to kinokuniya to further amplify my discomfort for feeling restless......i don't know how to explain this....but i think it was genuinely the most restless moment in my entire life, if not i would not have felt like that........that feeling of just wanting to go home and sleep(and also not really wanting to, because its going to feel worst, being really really bored)....we have been wanting to get a drink the whole while, and since the coffee club was full at kino was full, and also since i didn't felt like drinking coffee(i think i was having a full blown PMS.)....we instead decided to go to the basement for Coffee bean,tea leaf....uugh......so i followed the lead of my 2 friends........they walked and i just followed. For a point of time, my mind kinda shut out...it was empty and blank, everything around me was in literally playing in Fast Forward mode......i was just walking alone, i even lost the presence of ships and chungs......then i felt a tap on my shoulder....i spun around instinctively and took a second to comprehend what ever had just happened....i tilted my gaze down, then saw that familiar face, my first 3 months ogl........i was frightened by this wake up call,after being in a daze....she warned me about the A lvls, and that i shouldn't be out...i was contemplating to myself 'damn, i really should be studying...'.........i was still semi zombie and could hardly hold the conversation......i said i was going to retain or something......and spew something like 'how are you'......then bye, i did not catch up with anything that was going on in her life..or if she was happy sad bored or what....my head was empty.....didn't noticed who she was with either...as i walked away,then it dawned upon me that she must think i'm rude or something......oh well, i really didn't mean it..but it was too late.....

at coffee bean, i ordered a drink, there wasn't much of a decision to be made as there were few choices.......after the drink....we decided to part our separate ways....and i went home............zzzzzzzzzz

ahh...tomorrow never dies....i better start changing my life..................i don't wanna be forsakened by the world and god...............