Thoughts of a 'Man'

Blogger is a pissing hell...pissing me off.....after converting to google, its giving me so much cluckle doodle doo doo.....i wanted to blog so badly, and blogger not giving me face and denying me.........

just been listening to music for the past 2 hrs on the computer not doing anything....so much pent up stuck up words to remove...pry my mouth open and reach into my heart to really yank at it and pull it out.........sigh, music....what a relationship i have with music.....its like perpetual admiring from the corner but not reaching out for it..it really cracks and cheers me up...its important..

school is killing me with boredom and disinterest?.....life's like being a monk, have to restrain myself from this and that....What's worst is that class and lessons is like a monastery.Another week have gone...........here's a brief back in time....

Monday, wasmore or less alright...it sucks....i think the best thing i had was actually hockey training...can you actually believe it? i'm enjoying hockey simply because everything else is so boring.....i was quite enthusiastic in gym and later at the bball court...though i did not play...................

Tuesday....it sucks....i hate school i really didn't care if i was late.....i was hoping i was late so i could go home.....but yes i was late, and no i did not go home.....i entered school, the indian lady ask me to walk to the entrance at the concourse toface my doom, i walked as normal...just before i reached that scanning ezlink and marnicum, i ran into the side door and up the stairs....i done it once or twice without ppl noticing...but today...the indian woman saw what i was doing, and started screaming..haha...that feeling, freedom...........i know its stupid...i'm not proud of what i've done haha...but its cheap thrills like this that kept my heart pumping for the right reasons.....it reminded me of the few times which i went against school authority...its real fun if you never tried....seriously i think its metally wrong or something, like how ppl steal in shopping centres just to get that short moment of high....this is how i felt....this could maybe explain the many times where i always went against authority just to feel good....i know i look nerdy and all...but its exciting....

there was once when i primary 3.....it was afternoon session...and we had to 'flag lowering' session...........the teacher was announcing to the whole school about me, and that i'll have to look for him RIGHT NOW at the front where the podium is....everyone was standing listening to it...at that point of time....my legs just took me away, i started running towards the school gate and out....LOL.....it wasn't out of fear....this i'm sure.....it was just for fun...

and if you have studied history in secondary school, you'll know that stalin had show trials to sentence state enemies..............yeah i had that in primary 6....basically the whole class was being reprimanded........and all were to be punished....our form teacher thought it was too harsh, so she picked 7 names...7 of the most mischevious in the class for caning....reason because we were naughty, and there was no specific wrong that we did to deserve this......in the principal's room, we were lectured for using vulgarities, vandalism, making noise in class...all these....and then we were cane(on the hand..haha)..because of course we admitted to these 'crimes'..............we left the room laughing al the way back to class...

anyway, Wednesday...i was late, and i didn't go to school..i knew i was late, but i just tried going to school and all......just to let chance decide.....i drop off from 190 where the polyclinic was, where all the cck students alighted....and from there i wandered around before going home....wah sian ah..........

today, don't talk about it....numb to everything thats happening and numb to the 'depression'.....numb as in not emo....but just empty inside, even though everything still looks fine........

Tommrrow will be the first day of february.............if life were to change at all, this month could be it..and i hope, this year wouldn't be a bad year for me....i fear for my life right nowmany new challenges that i'm embarassed to talk about...lets hope everything turns out well for me.........

if i were to be open-minded, i should and i will embrace all these new experiences even when all of these demands a lot from me..................more of the new inner obstacles and demons that others could not feel is coming at me..........

i hope blogger does not crash when i click 'publish'..........