Thoughts of a 'Man'

I just realised how less of a person i am...a lesser being or whatever.....i have so much ideas on what i want to accomplish...but even if i got to doing it..i never give it all, never tried hard....always did barely enough, and somehow sometimes, rarely scrape thru.......

much ideas, much dreams...uncountable

I am a man of much dreams......but not of enough will to match them.....and now i lay helpless once again......next year i'll be 18.....and wasting 2 yrs in ns....i'm already really behind than many people which i admired.......i woke up this morning with lots of pain in my eyes...and i still do feel it now...12 hours after.....and i told myself, not to destroy, not to ruin the best thing god has given me.......................use it to my advantage and with it, my powers.......

GIMME FUEL GIMME FIRE GIMME THAT WHICH I DESIRE

now another ......ah...whats that word..........i see the light that is......

all those mantras which i coined which i don't mention to myself everyday should start now!!!..............but i can't go about all these thru die hard determination....its not determination after all...its the interest with whatever i'm doing in the first place....now where am i going to get that, or more of that, if those that i have now is not enough to turn this turbine?