Thoughts of a 'Man'

WHAT THE FUCK?!......................something offending to start this entry...lol...............was listening to Norman Cook...A.K.A FATBOYSLIM................going wtf, wtf wtf...in Star 69........probably the only sort of very popularized but non sell-out techno music that i ever listen to, and its not beng...so its okay.....my interpretation of that song is probably that its talking about posers again...once again...so many songs talk about posers all the time....a statement by both the unrecognised and sucessful.......i have shared plentiful times, so i shall not talk about peeps like this again....for now...

(can't find the right words)
sigh...its all destiny...or is it....take myself for example....i'm invisible.....

watched a part of A Beautiful Mind......John Nash does not go to any of the classes as he was under scholarship in Princeton........this professor told him, he will not get a place, in 'Wheeler's labs.'.....i guess its some career......then the professor was showing him some senior professor in the college/university...(which is it?..i'm confused)....everyone was congratulating him.........the professor asked him what John saw.......To him, it was 'recognition'...............the professor replied... 'accomplishment'..........

kk....i back to dwelving myself in movies again...and i had watched great movies this week....i know i may not seem like that bombastic, valedictorian, what you call it..........but i watched a lot of movies since a young age...as in really tons.....to know what i'm watching...ok....so i watched the korean Brotherhood.....this is the best best best war movie i ever watched......I really really underestimated, what the koreans were capable of.....its probably better than all the american war movies...even better than saving private ryan.......

i can't write well, but i'll try...

Brotherhood, has enough gore....but the special thing that seperates this from the rest..is that a whole lot of themes were introduced......its more than just sad...and ppl dying....as those who have studied comb history(i wish there was more in my frkkin pathetic school, i hate my sec school so much.....really hate it.....not the teachers, not the people...but just hate it..)....you'll know that.....North korea(NK)......south korea(SK).....NK attacked suddenly and went into Seoul i guess....the capital?......then SK fought back.....together with UN, US......then china came in...blah blah....the border went up and down...in the end....it didn't change at all from before the war......38th parallel...

the themes, besides the obvious brotherly love.......THE IDEALOGY........haha...portrays the ironies of human beings and their idealogies.....the sadistic side of humans,and just how confused lot humans are...and what it leads to......never saw another movie talked bout war like that....

Then i watched Valetine, on Arts Central....last night 9pm....(sunday).....i saw the advert two weeks ago i guess.....and stored a reminder on my phone...so glad i was at home..........alright...Valetine, is basically a optimistic boy, with a pathetic life.....but he made it work.....and turned into something he liked.....wah...great....great ideas also....

mr koh, phy teacher, told us that we should do everything we watnted to do before the exams this week...so i'm gonna....

gonna read up the books that i've been waiting to read, literally my whole life......

then, gotta start thinking of the band again.....SC came up with a preposition of the countdown thingy we've been talking about for last year and this year.....i'm not sure if we're ready....or more about whether if i'm ready...i suck....but....we gave up on many opportunities that were present to us.....i do not regret that much, because playing to a public isn't going to change anything....................................................................................................................................................................................................

many things going thru my mind as always.....i'm a person with many things to do, but never got about to doing them....i'm never fail to be this loser, and always fail to leave this persona............

my PW, i gotta do something about it?...i feel its not good enough...but i'm neither working nor getting thru to the team....and its something i feel strongly about...and all i present to ppl, is all talk....

my band......i really wanna play the songs that i like, ever since day 1..but hardly get to.maybe only Haruka Kanata and I am One?...but i am of no capability in the first place to bargain....so i'm really fine with what they want....sometimes i enjoy it....

well sometimes my perspective of music and arts is really not appreciated, i guess.....but i don't assume to have the right mindset on it sometimes.....i'm really naive and ignorant to this aspect, Art, but i do believe this is what life is about....

Hockey, i'm doing it for the team, don't wanna dissappoint...

I've never been best in anything that i do....maybe not the worst, but never the best, nor even good....you probably hear ppl say this many times bout themselves, i happen to be one of the rare few, good for nothing.........

and i know i'm ignorant....i guess, knowing and admiting ignorance is a step away from it.....


LIFE IS DEAD.................bored....have to start using my own two hands, and what 'God' has given me.....What, i don't know what.............I don't know what is what.........but i don't strut.....

this are just somethings i was afraid to say....but since ppl seldom wander here....i feel safe.......or not..........................................................................................

(can't express.....one day i'll go mediatate under the bohdi tree....or do yoga..or something.........)

something inside me is screaming LET ME OUT......i'm waiting..............not that its gonna make a difference....................................