Thoughts of a 'Man'

ahhhh....just have to blog today.....was so disappointed with myself again....my restless attitude got the better of me this exams....once again....an update on life, not that i have one....is and always will be in this sense of conjured depression...........................

headed to school an mrt train earlier i guess....must be my increase in walking speed......

anyway, about today's mathematics examinations..................pg one...could do 4 out of 6 questions....pg 2, could do all 7 to 11........pg 3.....COULD DO NONE., 12 to 14......pg 4......COULD DO NONE,15 and 16..................................reminiscence of the A MATH paper i was doing at end-of-yr sec 3.....the more i look the more can't be bothered, and little depression that i get.....i calculated the marks i got.....it hits 50...considering that i don't get any working marks for those i cannot do, and that i get all my marks for those that i can do......was aiming for triple As......hahah....its not impossible....but what to expect when i don't even study......all i did last night....was look through notes.......................................somehow, there's just no spark to go on......if i fail maths, i can't afford to fail h1 econs..........which i will most likely fail...in that case, i qualify to retain.....yeah...yes......'one hole deeper than the other hole'....(what am i thinking...)....ppl may do worse...............................but anyway, i may probably promote and be kicked back down if i continue to be like this......sighhhhhhhh..........

(as i was listening to the haruka kanata instrumental that we played last year when we first started.......i felt that there was art and expression even in this amatuerish work......it was extremely fast, and every instrument notes and drums....we're like chopping the instruments instead......this actually expresses this actually showcases our enthusiasm,maybe anger.......i could really relate to it as i was writing the above entry...)

i still have like 3 hours to salvage my chemistry........must get an A.......at least a B please(judging from the time i have left...)................

some lyrics below......a little bit inspired by About a Girl......the Emin, G, 2 chord song....but with outstanding results...this is my interpretation if it was more specific...

About a Girl by pang ziqi

Could only be behind you,
Could only be ahead of you
Never beside you.
When i sense your presence,
be it near or far..
Beyond my calm exterior, pale expressionless face.
I'm spasmic inside.

I'll take advantage while,
..........................................

I'm standing in your line. (i finally finally finally finally understood what this meant)
but more like sperms attacking the ovum.
"I'll just be left out, its okay, i'm just fine standing right here,
Go on ahead with your life, i'm here to look and see"
you probably never realise i'm around,
until i look you in the eye..
I don't know....

I'll take advantage while,
..........................................

If only the world was that small.
Then, back then, was simply the best.
Oh i wanna go back there.
At least i had a reason to wake up some mornings.


Kurt Cobain would never never be this sissy......but he is ideal.....i'll never attain nirvana...
this is a hidden msg......what is essential is invisible to the eye...(little prince)....