Thoughts of a 'Man'

Which is harder? Giving UP or giving AWAY.....i've done giving up before...and today, i've given something else away...
this year is 'funny'...i've given away more things than i have kept myself, spent more money on others than myself, gave more effort in helping others than myself...

i just given something so important to me today away....i do not have my hands on it in the first place, but if i wanted to ruin so...it would have been easy...its really hard for me..but like the title suggests 'i redeemed myself..'

yesterday at ice skating, felt like shit...but after giving it away, for the last half and hr, it was tranquil.....i wondered if i made another whole mistake again...but i was quite sure...whatever i do, would be a mistake, just which...so i chose to buy insurance, so i'll fall steadily instead...

it was one of the hardest decisions i ever had to make ahh...sacrifices...

talking about karma, i wonder if same things would happen to me in future, or is what i'm experiencing now, my retribution...

ah...whatever i've written above doesn't matter...i can't believe i did this....sigh..