Thoughts of a 'Man'

I'm hurting so much inside but i can't tell her...its not fear of rejection but i know i'll be rejected, and that i do not fear, but worse, can never talk to her again..recently it has gotten better though, well at least i have something to rejoice...well overall i still can't...who knows what has happened to her all that time..maybe she found new guy..

anyway....was doing the chinese comprehension, the mcq one....and that reminded me of her...sigh...well, if i was lefty, i would feel just like the author, special...from what i heard from my parents and siblings, i use to be a lefty..sigh but my parents force me to use right hand...i guess i'm more of right, and well probably just that i picked the pen up with my left hand then..been obsessed with leftys all my life, or in otherwords admire leftys...its something i can never be, maybe thats why....why?..because most 'cool' or 'smart' ppl are leftys...Kurt Cobain, Paul Mccartney, Billy Elliot(lol)....its quite weird that ctss has so many leftys i have ever seen in my life..lol...

well, she's lefty too, like the passage, though she's not clumsy, she does appear blur..lol.did put a smile to my face when i read, but nope, cant smile at reality....the whole day i was thinking of her, even thru out the MT prelims...well but i guess, with her in my mind, i kind of been more able to do the test, and at the end of it, fret none of it(coz i'm fretting about her instead)....intended to ask her out today, had the idea like last nite..but sigh...i just could not...she went out with her usual friend, not that i mind, but even if not, i would not have had the guts to ask her anyway...and like i promised, if i did not go with her, i would run(as in go back straightaway) right back home, i wonder why i made such a weird agreement with myself, but i guess i could not bear the rest of the day anymore..being at home would just end all my hopes, thus i'll feel better i guess...

this will be a long weekend...been saving for the last 1 and a half weeks...not that i have not enough money, but to buy her something for her birthday i guess(not that i have not enough money..lol, not that poor..must make this clear..hmm..), which i'm still not sure if i should..oh, but like what?...girl stuff i guess..perfume?Escada Island Kiss?(whatever it is..lol)...well though she smells nicer the way she is...lol..(god, i'm sick..)..wonder if anybody else could, shall go ask..lol..well, could still smell her sometimes when we're near...

AH!!! how long will this perpetual heartache last?!