Thoughts of a 'Man'

all the time i am just asking for one chance...for those of you who know, there is this incurable ache that constantly stays inside your chest...sometimes i wonder whether its the heart or chest that hurts...some might argue that its the chest...thats what i use to think too...but now to think of it, its the heart that hurts, i mean literally....its how some ppl can die of an heartattack after being extremly angry or sad...or some laugh till they get an heart attack, or like in bachelor(the movie) the grandfather died after seeing a stripper, since probably the heart was beating at a higher rate... its weird why god made our hearts hurt instead of our head when we are feeling emotional...and when in love, its the heart that feels it all(again, i mean literally)...

in lotr, i forgot how long frodo had to hold the burden..(was it 3 months?)...if it was, its probably the same amt of time i have held mine. its weird however, that it can give you power at times, and even give you longevity(correct spelling?) like smeagol who lived with probably an heartache for hundreds of years.. now i find it weird that i actually use this as an analogy to love.. in lotr its desire, but i guess love=desire in some way or another, desire to receive love... its something hard to give up... when someone told me to just give up and forget about it, its something i've tried, but to no avail...i'll probably end up like smeagol who didn't give up, in the lava....actually frodo didn't give it up either, it just happen to fell in with smeagol, so its hard to regconise him as the hero, rather accidental..

i don't think of her all the time, i think of others as well..is that bad?

anyway, today i kind of have an option of how my future life is going to be...all the time ppl have ask me what my ambition is, how i want to live my life in future, but i've never had the answer..i have spent time thinking about it, but as a fickle person..you know...

well it goes like this...my parents, since i was young, had always expressed the interest of migration to australia...i never thought they had been actually taking it seriously..sometimes i discourage them too, since my life is in singapore...and its only something ppl who has money would be doing...they use to express interest in buying a condominium(saying sometimes that they just say that for fun), but i discouraged them too...once they were almost serious, going to view apartments and everything..i seriously did my best to discourage them and manage to stop them..many would ask me why i don't want to live in a condo...its just that my parents are rather old now(my father would reach retirement age of 62 in 2 yrs time), and since i was primary 6, i knew how my future was going to be...HARD...i discouraged my mom not to retire, when she said she wasn't serious, she did so months after that..now i take whatever they say seriously..

migrating is something only the rich do..something at the back of my head tells me that my parents are one of those that saves up tons of money...preparing for our education, marriages and etc...but none of this reserves had been used yet, so i presume that none of the money had been used yet...

the plan is that...if my bro ever accepts an offer to go to australia for a job interview, and manage to get the job, he would of course be staying there..and due to my bro working there, i would have a greater chance of studying there..there is a possibility that if i ever ever ever manage to go to university or something, they want me to go one there...and if i study there, both me and my bro would be living there, and my parents would move over too....thats all they said...if they want my to study U over there, i'm sure they consider me to work there after i graduate..

so people, this might just be my future, if my bro ever gets a job there, and if i ever manage to reach university...

LIFE...is so short and fast, now wonder it drives some to taking drugs...well gtg.. bye..